Russell's Old Journal

[Russell]

Jan 31 2012, 9:21 PM EST

Making strong resolutions to get stream entry at the beginning of each sit. I think I might have had another near-miss tonight. About 15 minutes into being in EQ I got a huge build up of anticipation rising up through my crown and expanding and I kind of freaked out. Instead of just observing things I began frantically noting, even noting that I was noting. Surge, and then back down. 10 minutes later I really had a sense of confusion of who was having 'my' thoughts etc. Really got a feel for my mind just randomly making things up, it was pretty cool. Then my timer went off, and something made me resolve to get stream entry in the next 5 seconds. (I honestly don't know where I am thinking of this stuff) so I counted backwards in my head from 5 and nothing happened. Then blip, like I lost balance for one second (kind of like I tipped back and caught myself) and then opened my eyes. Double near-miss? Who knows, but that was a great sit.

I have a Dr appointment tomorrow at noon. I might stay home and do a mini retreat to sit for longer tomorrow morning until my appointment.

[Russell]

Feb 1 2012, 12:09 PM EST

I have sat for about an hour and a half so far today. Nothing spectacular, lots of thoughts, monkey mind is racing today. Not sure why. Constant songs in my head, all kinds of thought just popping up. Trying to disembed from them as much as possible, but it became a bit frustrating for some reason today. I really do get concentrated best at night I guess.

Replies:

mumuwu
Feb 1 2012, 2:16 PM EST

Chalk it up to where you are at in the cycle.

Russell
Feb 1 2012, 4:39 PM EST

Yeah, I try not to get too frustrated or anything and just take it for what it is. If I keep going it will eventually happen.

[Russell]

Feb 2 2012, 9:18 AM EST

I sat for 1 hour this morning and it took forever (at least 35 minutes) to finally calm my mind and get to my cutting edge. However, that sit really set the wheels in motion today. I got to work early and just sat at my desk and got into EQ within maybe 10 minutes. I'm going to try to keep having little sits like that throught the day today.

[Russell]

Feb 2 2012, 4:55 PM EST

path thoughts, path thoughts, path thoughts, path thoughts....arrggggg....STOP IT....just sit.

OK, I got it out of my system.

Replies:

betawave
Feb 2 2012, 5:22 PM EST

This might help:
you can never know when it will happen,
you can never know what it will be like when it happens,
you can never even know if it will happen...

so what are you really even thinking about?



Russell
Feb 2 2012, 9:43 PM EST

It does help. Thank you!

RonCrouch
Feb 3 2012, 12:55 AM EST

True words of wisdom!

[Russell]

Feb 3 2012, 9:26 AM EST

I had a great sit last night. Got some more of those rising excitement bliss waves when in High EQ. I am not sure if they are Jhana type absorptions but they dont last long, I just let go when it happened this time instead of freaking out, and it rose and then fizzled. They seem to happen when I kind of step back and look at things in 'watcher' mode i guess. This time my attention was on the third eye area and it was tingling and pulsing like crazy and i realized I was watching it from a distance more so than it was happening to me, and then the bliss wave started to rise. Feels like strong absorbing warmth that slowly rises up through the top of my head and spreads out then fades away.

[Russell]

Feb 3 2012, 5:31 PM EST

As the day goes on I am realizing the only way to get those bliss type waves for me is to move from a short concentration session. (Does not take long for me to get concentrated anymore) Then move to noting, then once things get really vibratory, try to shift to 2nd gear, as in look at the sensations as like they are not happening to 'me.' Tried this for 15 minutes earlier and go those same rising bliss waves only to be interupted by someone at the office. I still don't know if thats what I am looking to do specifically but, It seems I can almost will those things to happen when I do that. Also, eye fluttering is very prominent right when I sit today. It calms down but it's almost like strobing right when I close my eyes and sit. I can even do it right now. Close my eyes as I type this and I get flashy strobing lights, no raptures or anything, but strobing and tingling in hands starts very rapidly.

[Russell]

Feb 4 2012, 9:19 PM EST

Pretty frustrating hour long sit just now. Tried laying down for a little bit of it because I just couldn't get comfortable like usual. Lots of frustrating. Finally decide to just not do anything, but that didn't really work that well either. Was getting caught in thoughts pretty easily. Trying to disembed but it's getting harder even when my new sense of just watching all these sensations happening to something other than me.

[Russell]

Feb 5 2012, 10:50 AM EST

It seems those long frustrating sits don't matter because it sets the wheels in motion. When I have a sit later in the day, for example, after the sit above, it makes for a quick entry into high EQ. Last night I just sat on my bed with no expectations and got into lots of vibrating/strobing where it seems like everything was phasing in and out. Lots of anticipation and felt like something was building and then I got interrupted. Was very, very dazed after the sit. Almost drunk feeling, but felt like there was something left undone, but it was very late and I needed some sleep badly.

Also, off-cushion, I have been having the same anxiety but yesterday during lunch I got all anxious but was able to disembed and ground it better than I have even been able to in the past.

[Russell]

Feb 6 2012, 9:26 AM EST

Yesterday 2 sits. One 35 minute and one 45. 1st sit didn't seem to get to high EQ, but second sit got to strobing, major pressure on thrid eye area. Getting kind of bored. Only did 20 minutes right after I worked out this morning so far and was dozing off (that never happens) I am very glad I get to talk to Ron tonight.

Replies:

mumuwu
Feb 6 2012, 9:47 AM EST

Some good indicators of equanimity

Talking to Ron - Good idea!

Russell
Feb 6 2012, 10:28 AM EST

Yeah feeling that 3rd eye pressure off-cushion now too. Even as I type this. One question, I don't know if I have heard anyone say this before but is it possible to have a cessation (a first cessation/stream entry) off cushion?

villum
Feb 6 2012, 10:42 AM EST

I'm pretty sure it is. No idea how common it is though.

[Russell]

Feb 6 2012, 10:27 PM EST

Thanks, it was really just a curiosity. Just sat for another 40 minutes. More boredom. Lots of forehead pressure, fizzing, tingling, frustration, path thoughts, forecasting thoughts. Getting blips of rising energy but they fade quickly.