Jim's practice journal

[NeverSummer]

...aaaand, away we go with the porting of the log:

January 24, 2013 at 4:00 pm #895

NeverSummer
Member
Starting a new log here. I admit to being not sure if I should just pick up where my log over at wetpaint left off or if I should import as much of that log as I was able to rescue (I did lose my reports made in the last 10 days). My thinking behind this is that I’ve found myself in some seemingly advanced territory, and (being a relatively new member of this community) if I just start where I’m at, one would be right to challenge me for evidence/backing information as to any claims (read: assumptions) I might be making…

I think what I’ll do is just provide a capsule summary of everything up to this point, and go on in more detail from there. I am happy to provide more detailed explanations of anything I gloss over (e.g. my experience of jhanas, witness, etc.)…

To begin, here’s the short version of my experience up to the point that I began posting on KFD:

* Around fourteen years of daily practice, 20-40 minutes, just following the breath and trying to be mindful. I had no teacher during this time. Around the tail end of this stretch of time I have good reason to believe I went through A&P and the dark night (I had no knowledge of vipassana meditation or Therevadin maps during this time).

*Followed this with about 1.5 years of doing Reggie Ray’s Tibetan shamatha and body-based techniques (I’ve found these to be a wonderful foundational practice for all other practices I’ve done since). During this time did two 3-day solo retreats.

*Followed this by reading Daniel Ingram’s book and starting to do vipassana meditation in late 2011. I found the level of specificity with regards to practice and its effects to be very appealing. For me, vipassana practice consisted of stabilizing concentration and then dropping awareness into the body and looking through the “lenses” of the three characteristics (primarily impermance – just noting the rapid arising and passing away of any phenomena that happened to come up. Which I guess puts this practice in the “choiceless awareness” category). When I described this practice to others, it was in the sense of perceiving the body as something much more akin to a flame or a star than a solid object.

*Went on a two week Dathun retreat over the holidays in late 2011 where I did a mixture of all of the practices described above, plus dipped my feet in the Mahamudra waters (more on this later). Crossed some spectacular territory here – energetic openings, supernatural craziness, the whole nine yards.

*Practice became discursive as hell for the next few months and was marked by a certain kind of periodic energetic upheavals involving anxiety and heart charka activity (again, more on this later). Nevertheless practice still seemed “productive” – there was still a sense of progress.

*Practice settled down somewhat during the late spring of 2012 and became much less discursive. Interestingly, this coincided with the introduction of the tsa lung/nine breathings of purification practices from Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche’s “Awakening the Sacred Body.”

*Went on a 9 day vipassana retreat lead by John Travis in late July – early August 2012. By this time I was able to get into the jhanas and use them to stabilize my vipassana practice (even though I couldn’t experientially parse out the jhanas or tell one from another). This was by far the most productive stretch of practice in my life. We also did some mahamudra/non-dual stuff near the end of the retreat.

*post retreat, practice was extremely stable, blissful, equanimous…

[NeverSummer]

January 24, 2013 at 4:00 pm #896

NeverSummer
Member

I started posting on KFD on November 13, 2012. From that time up until the present, my practice has consisted of:

*1st gear jhanic arc — in the past few days I’ve found myself fleshing out territory above PL jhana number 2. Since this is a process that is happening currently, I’ll be going into more detail in subsequent posts.

*2nd gear

*1st and 2nd gear combined: cultivating witness consciousness and then doing jhanic arc practice (my main daily practice in the mornings).

*Tibetan energetic exercises: tsa lung (from Tenzin Wangyal Rinpoche’s “Awakening the Sacred Body”) and Mahamudra exercises such as vase breathing, lower belly breathing, etc. (primarly from Reggie Ray’s materials).

My daily practice typically consists of 45-60 minutes in the morning and 30-60 minutes in the evening. From Summer 2011 to Summer 2012, I spent a total of 28 days in retreat (minimum 8 hours of meditation/day). I’m hoping to knock off at least a 10-day solo this year.

The last 6 months of practice have been very impactful on my day-to-day life. I’ve found my locus of awareness to have become much more broad and inclusive and less “person-based”. Via what I assume to be the effects of both 2nd gear practice and body-based, energetic practices, I’m coming into touch with vast, extremely still spaces in the lower chakras and in the area of the head that lies behind the palate, places where I can direct awareness and still the mind to what (to me) are incredible levels. In terms of dealing with the stressful occurrences that life hands us, there is just a lot more space for things to be accommodated. When I first began posting on KFD, I could go up the jhanic arc to 7th jhana before going back down, in order, to first jhana. In between then and now, subsequent higher jhanas have revealed themselves, typically via a churning, sort of energetic process that involves a bit of kundalini movement in the head. At this point in my jhanic arc practice, I am starting in 2nd jhana, almost immediately entering third, going up in order to 8th, going in to (what I strongly assume are) the first two pure land jhanas, then entering a very stable, humming, energetic space I assume is the next pl jhana fleshing itself out, and then dropping back down in order to the first jhana before making my way back up again.

[NeverSummer]

January 27, 2013 at 6:16 pm #967

NeverSummer
Member

Getting up-to-date on practice. My morning sits have followed roughly the same pattern for a little over a week now. I start with lower belly breathing, follow that with the nine breathings of purification, and finish the breathing exercises with vase breathing. I then move into second gear practice, cultivating the witness consciousness. Once this is attained, I move into jhanic arc practice. For the last few months (and up until the current time), I’m in 2nd jhana when I start. For approximately the past month and a half, I move almost immediately from 2nd jhana to 3rd. Up until a little over a week ago, I would move up through the jhanas to pure land jhana number two and back down again in sequence. This pattern would repeat for as long as I sat.

Then about a week ago, some territory past the second pure land jhana began to reveal itself. For me, when a new strata of mind begins fleshing itself out, there is sort of a churning, roiling sensation of perception very similar to the unstable strata of mind between third and fourth jhana. The stability of the new strata reveals itself in fits and starts, and over a period of a couple of days, eventually the new strata is incorporated as part of the arc. This new “layer” past pure land jhana number two has been a bit different. It has been very energetic territory, marked by very smooth and blissful energy in the body, and somewhat-to-very uncomfortable kundalini energy forcing itself around in my head. Sometimes it gets to the point where it feels like there are live animals bashing around under the skin in the sides, back and temples of my head. It has contributed to at least one major headache in the course of day-to-day life. In the course of my sits, I tend to ascend to this strata and get stuck there. The minimum amount of time that I have spent there is more than 30 minutes before dropping back down through the arc. More typical is that I ascend to that layer and stay there indefinitely, for the rest of the sit (up to an hour in some cases). I’m just speculating here, but whereas when I fleshed out previous levels of strata of mind it seemed as if I was just learning how to access something that I already had access to, this feels like the fleshing out of something entirely new. It feels like a major project I am being pulled into. So, each morning I gradually ascend to this level and patiently sit with an attitude of surrender and let it work on me. Periods of stability here are very locked in and stable. Typically throughout the day I’ll kundalini activity in my head continuing to move and work.

Many thanks to all who take the time to read and/or respond to this log.

[NeverSummer]

February 1, 2013 at 12:55 pm #1068

NeverSummer
Member

Practice update, using the template:

This morning I sat for 45 minutes. In the vast majority of my practice (including this morning), I sit upright, on a cushion, in the 1/2 lotus position. My spine is straight, with the chin slightly lowered/tucked and the back of the head slightly raised. When I check in on my posture I’m looking at those elements described above and adjusting so that there is a feeling of the opening of the central channel, from perineum to the top of the head.

My morning sits have been following the same pattern described in previous entries; however, the territory above PL jhana #2 has calmed down quite a bit in the energetic sense — it no longer feels like live animals are rooting around inside my head. I am still getting “stuck” in that territory — my week has been hellaciously busy and my morning sits haven’t exceeded 45 minutes in recent times, so I haven’t been able to give myself enough time to exit this relatively new territory and drop back down the arc. This being a Friday, tomorrow morning I hope to spend as much time as necessary for this to happen (if it *wants* to happen).

Concentration was moderate this morning and varies from day-to-day. Typically during these sits if I succumb to a thought stream or (much more commonly) laxity, I will be brought back to the practice when I cross into the next strata, via the physical and mental sensations that occur — bliss in the body (esp. vibrations in the legs, warmth in the torso), a sense of the mind quickly churning then settling.

Insofar as the content of these morning sits, I intend to keep up this same practice and let this new territory establish itself.

[NeverSummer]

February 5, 2013 at 1:14 pm #1107

NeverSummer
Member
Practice updates from the past few days:

On Saturday morning sat for 45 minutes and results mirrored my previous entry. On Sunday morning resolved to sit for as long as was necessary to “drop” back out of the territory above PL jhana #2 and descend back down the jhanic arc. I spent approximately 45 minutes in the aforementioned territory before dropping back down sequentially to first jhana (which, owing to always starting at 2nd and then getting “stuck” above PL #2, I hadn’t visited for a long time). Total sit time was 80 minutes.

As the energetic/kundalini component of the aforementioned territory (past PL 2) has calmed down quite a bit, I’ve been able to discern some more characteristics therein: This strata is similar to jhanas 7 and 8 in that there’s really not much there other than the strata/jhana itself; It does differ in my experience from jhanas 7 and 8 in that if I just relax my eyes and look at a specific point on the ground in front of me, my field of attention definitely wants to widen out away from the point (whereas in jhanas 7 and 8 my field of attention will “lock in” to a specific point much like in jhanas 1 and 2). As mentioned in previous posts (maybe ones that got lost over on wetpaint), this strata has a real “grip”. Although it’s more relaxing than it was when it first started revealing itself, I still wouldn’t describe it as relaxing — there’s a sense of it having a hold of me, and a palpable sense of relief when it releases its grip and I drop back into PL jhana #2. Typically as I am stuck in the territory I will at numerous times sense the sensations of a stratic transition coming on — cool bliss in the legs, warmer bliss in the torso, a sort of roiling, churning, unstable sense in the “small self” mind, but then things settle back down and I find I haven’t transitioned anywhere — until, after around 45 minutes to an hour, I do actually transition back down.

Thanks as always to any who read this…Jim

[NeverSummer]

February 11, 2013 at 11:03 am #1194

NeverSummer
Member
Practice continues with some changes:

The territory after PL #2 continues to become much less defined by energy/kundalini activity and is become more gentle and smooth. It still retains a quality of being “grabby”. Yesterday morning my practice followed the same pattern as previously described sits, with the exception that I spent (only) 15 minutes in this territory instead of the usual 45-60 min or indefinite time period. Entry and exit was very smooth.

Something I forgot to mention — ever since this strata past PL jhana #2 revealed itself, PL jhana #1 has contained a very dramatic increase in blissfulness. An astonishingly sweet “flavor” that really blows any other jhana out of the water….

[NeverSummer]

February 14, 2013 at 1:39 pm #1220

NeverSummer
Member
Two mornings ago, practice reverted to the form where I get “stuck” indefinitely in the area past PL#2, with lots of tension/twitchy kundalini head activity. Sit was 45 minutes in duration, about 20 of which was spent in this territory.

Was only able to sit for a brief while yesterday morning on account of a busy day at work. When this is the case, I follow the typical sequence of my morning sit up to PL#1 before wrapping up/dedicating merit.

This morning sat for 45 minutes. The territory above PL#2 was much smoother once again. Several times the symptoms of a transition came up — churning mind, bliss waves in the legs and torso. At one point, the tension that seems to be inherent in this territory relaxed a bit and the sweet bliss that I have come to associate with PL#1 came to predominate. I thought I had been “released” and dropped back down to PL #1, but these sensations quickly passed and I found myself back in the territory beyond PL#2 (which I then assumed I never left, and it’s simply more of the territory fleshing itself out)….

Thanks as always to any who read…Jim

[NeverSummer]

February 27, 2013 at 12:22 pm #1344

NeverSummer
Member
The basic structure of practice continues very similarly. One change is the territory beyond the 2nd PL jhana holds me for around 10 minutes now before “dropping” me back down. The “drop” itself has fleshed itself out as well — whereas before in past sittings time spent in this territory was intermittently dotted with the churning/roiling/unstable sensations that are characteristic (for me) of a transfer to a new strata, only to deposit me back into the same territory, now the passage back to PL jhana number two is a very distinct release, with a strong sense of opening.

In the course of day-today life, I’ve been trying to pay more attention to cycling, or how my mood/level of engagement is with the world around me. I feel like 2nd gear practice is really helping to establish a shift in “vantage point” that makes it easier to pay attention to and assimilate things. That all being said, over the past few days I’ve felt myself plunging into territory that I tend to associate with dark night stages. This fun place is marked by:

*Sensations of lots of kundalini movement, akin to being plugged into a wall. The epicenter of all of this is the heart chakra.
*insomnia distinctly rooted in energetic sensations described above.
*Feelings of alienation when out in public around people who aren’t “like me”
*Concentration not as strong in practice
*The stuff that tends to happily occupy my mind throughout the day (in my case, my practice and anticipation of international travel) seems to feel relatively worthless relative to how I viewed it even just a couple of days ago.
*Craving social contact and feeling anti-social — at the exact same time!

..and probably more I can’t think of right now. The interesting thing about this stuff is I’ve been through it countless times in my life. In the past, running from it or getting overly annoyed at it just tended to open up the rabbit hole of depression. However, recognizing it as a fruit of practice over the past few years, each time I pass through it I can investigate it more closely. As such, it gets easier to manage. I know what it is and what I need to do to accommodate it (or so I think).

Continuing with 2nd gear/Jhanic Arc practice in the mornings and more of the body-based energy work and vipassana in the evenings (to accommodate these dark night phenomena)…

[NeverSummer]

Having posted my logs from the previous platform, this is my first entry in the "new" log

Briefly:

*The "dark night" cycle mentioned in the previous post has passed.

*There seems to be additional territory beyond the territory beyond PL jhana #2.

It's been a busy week. Hope to get in some extensive sitting time this weekend and come back with a detailed report of what is going on...

[kennethfolk]

Thanks for bringing over your logs from the old forum, Jim, and for continuing it here. Tell us more about the jhanas. What does each one feel like for you? Will you make a list of all the jhanas you have access to along with as much detail as you can about the experience of each one? How does one differ from the next? What does it feel like to make the transition from one to the other?