Marc's practice notes

[marc]

Oct 21 2012, 4:37 PM EDT

So, one last little bit of advice... Thoughts are NOT a problem. They arise on their own, so you can treat them like any other sensations. They are like sounds, body sensations, images. Many people have gotten stream entry by reaching high eq and then taking thoughts themselves as the meditation object. Noting "the mind stream". Asking themselves, at the same pace normal noting, "I wonder what my next thought will be?"

[marc]

Nov 2 2012, 7:39 AM EDT

Still sitting 90 minutes a day, but much more boredom and impatience again. Less frustration however. I've noticed that my evening sits are more difficult than my morning sits now. Right now I'm a bit sick, which makes it a bit more challenging to stay on the cushion.

[marc]

Nov 5 2012, 5:41 PM EST

This morning I sat for 70 minutes.
20 minutes shamatha
50 minutes noting (first aloud, eventually silently)

Concentrating on my breath felt more effortless than usual, it was pretty pleasant. Just before I switched to noting, there was some tingling through my body. After that a lot of thinking, various emotional states and some aversion/resistance and physical discomfort. The last 30 (?) minutes pretty much all of these sensations dropped away or broke up into vibrations, and I really enjoyed just sitting and observing. There were a few moments where I wasn't sure whether it was best to drop noting entirely. That's still a tricky balance.
After getting up, I felt a bit spaced out (still after a few hours).

Before dinner I sat for another 30 minutes: a lot of aversion, restlessness and drowsiness.

[marc]

Nov 6 2012, 4:15 PM EST

Two sits today: 50 minutes this morning (pretty similar to yesterday morning) and 40 minutes this evening (more impatience and very restless legs, but to my surprise I managed to really surrender).

[marc]

Nov 8 2012, 6:17 AM EST

Yesterday I sat twice: 70 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening. The morning sit was very spacious and pleasant, and in the evening there was a lot of restlessness and aversion.

I also skyped with Ron last night, which was very useful. Balancing effort and openness/surrendering when I'm in equanimity is a bit of a challenge for me lately, and Ron gave me some good tips for that, like continuing noting longer than I usually do (to prevent spacing out).

This morning I sat for 90 minutes (20 minutes shamatha, 70 minutes noting, mostly aloud). Concentrating on my breath was pretty easy and enjoyable, and when I switched to noting, I went up to my cutting edge very quickly. I hung out in equanimity for a long while, most of the time noting, but a few times dropping the noting. It felt like a pretty natural balance. Pretty much all the physical sensations seemed to vibrate, and there was a bit of vibrating pressure between my eyebrows. I didn't space out this time, but my attention felt a bit slippery.

[marc]

Nov 9 2012, 5:00 AM EST

I just sat for 67 minutes (20 minutes shamatha, the rest of the sit noting, mostly aloud). The last 30 minutes or so I noticed mostly vibrations and pleasantness. There was some pressure between my eyebrows, which was very vibratory. My attention rested on this vibrating spot, and I noticed that the intensity increases. There was a lot of anticipation and a bit of excitement, but I did stay pretty calm and present. The anticipation subsided as the pressure became less intense. It felt like I was very close...

[marc]

Nov 11 2012, 4:32 AM EST

Just sat for 80 minutes (first about 20 minutes shamatha, then noting). Went up to my cutting edge within 10-15 minutes after I started noting. Eventually noticed mostly vibrations. The pressure between my eyebrows was there again, and it intensified a few times. Sometimes there was anticipation, followed by a bit of tension, and relaxation. I frequently wondered what I should do, which I noted, and then reminded myself to just let it happen without trying to manipulate it. Letting go completely is easier said than done, but the deeper I get into equanimity, the more naturally it goes.

[marc]

Nov 19 2012, 4:12 PM EST

I just realized it's been over a week since my last post... Nothing has really changed in my practice, so I didn't know what to post.

This morning I sat for an hour, and I just meditated for 50 minutes (15 minutes shamatha, 35 minutes noting). The last 25 minutes or so everything felt vibratory, it felt very clear, and somehow I was very tuned in to the 'no-self' aspect of my experience. At a certain point the question 'what am I missing' popped up. It seemed appropriate, and I think it helped to pay attention to the entire experience.

[marc]

Nov 21 2012, 3:36 PM EST

I sat for 60 minutes this evening: 20 minutes shamatha, 40 minutes noting. It seems that I've been getting stuck at low/mid equanimity for the last week or so, probably because I'm still trying to manipulate the process.
I just had a Skype conversation with Ron, which was very inspirational again. The main advice he gave me was to surrender completely, and enjoy equanimity.

[marc]

Nov 22 2012, 2:19 AM EST

I just sat for 73 minutes (20 minutes shamatha, noting the rest of the sit). I went up to equanimity pretty fast, and as soon as I noticed that the aversion and impatience dropped away, I let go of effort. From time to time there was an urge to steer the meditation: I noticed it and surrendered. This felt very natural. Ron also advised me yesterday to keep noting all the way up, because I would stop noting too soon and space out. I was a bit afraid that noting all the time would interfere with the intention to surrender, but it felt really natural. I just watched everything, and when I noticed expectations, I noted them and let go.