Marc's practice notes

[marc]

Dec 4 2012, 8:11 AM EST

Still sitting regularly, at least 90 minutes a day. I noticed that my evening sits started to feel a bit useless, because the main reason to sit at night seemed to be to meet my 90 minutes quotum. I told this to Ron and we decided it would be best to just sit in the morning. So now I try to have a 90 minute sit each morning. In most of my sits I get to a pleasant and accepting state, but it doesn't go very deep anymore. At times I feel a bit discouraged about my practice, it's difficult to stay motivated..

[marc]

Dec 6 2012, 12:15 PM EST

This morning I had a 60 minute sit, because I didn't have enough time for a longet sit. Started with shamatha (about 20 minutes), then noting aloud. Noticed a lot of anxiety and worries for a while, not sure what happened after that, but at a certain point my mind became more still. I just sat, and nothing much happened for a while. Some vibrations, but not very intense, some mild anticipation, buy mostly just a sense of okay-ness. Whenever I noticed striving, wanting, hoping or manipulating, I tried to let go.

I'm trying to pay more attention to mental phenomena the last couple of days, because it felt like the focus in noting was on body sensations, which can feel a bit automatic. It seems to make meditating more interesting when I am more attentive to thoughts and emotions.

[marc]

Dec 7 2012, 4:12 AM EST

Just sat for 90 minutes (20 minutes shamatha, 70 minutes noting, first aloud, then silently). The last 50 minutes or so there was an increasing sense of calm and acceptance, and gradually I noticed more vibrations. A few times there was an urge to steer the experience in a certain direction, or to look for sensations that I associate with high equanimity. For example, the familiar pressure between my eyebrows showed up again, and I 'wanted' it to vibrate (which did happen eventually). Towards the end of the sit I spaced out a little bit.

[marc]

Dec 8 2012, 11:27 AM EST

This morning I had a 60 minute sit, and I just sat for 70 minutes (10 minutes shamatha, the rest of the sit noting, mostly aloud).
I felt pretty concentrated, not much distraction from my breath, and just before I switched to noting, there were a few pleasant tingling waves through my body. Then I noticed coldness and chills, followed by some worrying thoughts, anxiety and tension in my stomach. After that I noted regrets, some sadness, annoyance, anger, judging thoughts. My body felt a bit restless and I wanted to get up. After a while the restlessness disappeared and my mind became more still. I noted wonder, acceptance, thoughts about practice, a bit of impatience. Gradually the sensations on my skin started to vibrate, and I noticed that I was looking for more vibrations and trying to enhance them. I let go of this and the vibrations increased. There was some anticipation and thoughts about what to do. I just tried to observe and note it all. Then there some very fast mental images of and thoughts about 'myself', related to how I see myself and insecurity about how other people see me. Then there was some tension between my eyebrows, which became a bit vibratory. The meditation bell rang and I stayed on the cushion for 10 more minutes.

[marc]

Aquanin
Dec 8 2012, 12:22 PM EST

Sounds good Marc, keep it up!

[marc]

Dec 10 2012, 3:47 PM EST

Yesterday I had one 90 minute sit. Today two 60 minute sits. In the last sit I started with mahamudra noting (hadn't done that for months), which was pretty nice. It ended with what seemed like A&P vibrations, and when I oontinued regular noting (still aloud) I went trough the dukkha nanas, and ended up with periods with a lot of vibrations and periods of boredom/spacing out. The vibrations didn't increase, but seemed to come and go. I'm feeling pretty buzzy now.

[marc]

Dec 11 2012, 2:05 AM EST

This morning I meditated for 60 minutes (15 minutes shamatha, 45 minutes noting). About 30 minutes after I sat down, it seemed like my attention zoome out, and a few minutes later everything started to vibrate. I noted a lot of thoughts about my practice, about stream entry, wondering what I should do, etc. I tried letting go and surrendering to the moment, but that was a challenge. I did really enjoy it though.

[marc]

From here until the transition to the new forum my posts weren't backed up... So I'll continue with the 'old new forum'.

[marc]

January 25, 2013 at 1:03 pm

Okay, new forum, new start!

I’m still in lower equanimity territory, sitting a bit less since a few days (about one hour a day). I’m very busy with school, but in four days I’ll have more time available, because then I’ve hopefully finished my studies.

I guess I’ll make a real update in a couple of days.

[marc]

January 30, 2013 at 12:41 pm

I just sat for 70 minutes, spending the last 30+ minutes or so in mid equanimity. A lot of vibrations, fascination and my mind felt very concentrated.