Marc's practice notes

[marc]

Thanks for putting up the new forum, Russell. I like it! I'll start importing my older posts here.

[marc]

Nov 9 2011, 3:44 PM EST

Hi everyone!

My name is Marc, and I'm a 24 year old student from Holland. I started meditating about a year ago, but it wasn't very consistent until I came across Daniel Ingram's book last June. Since then I've been meditating daily (mostly once, sometimes twice a day) and last Saturday I had my first Skype chat with Ron Crouch. Based on the descriptions of my practice Ron thought that I am now at the 3 Characteristics , and approaching A&P. I'll try to keep a regular journal of my practice here.

May all beings be happy!

[marc]

Nov 9 2011, 4:23 PM EST

This morning at 9.00 AM I meditated for 50 minutes.
First I concentrated on my breath for 10-15 minutes, counting the breath from 1 to 10, about 6/7 times. My concentration was fairly good, so I began noting as much sensations as I could. Now and then I felt tension in my abdomen, I noticed thinking, imagining talking to people and being in various situations, visual thoughts, wandering, itches, mild pressure and stinging in my lower back, hoping.
A few times I noticed waves of tingling (and feeling like getting goosebumps) through my upper body, accompanied by moving lights in my visual field (sometimes also slightly flickering). Feeling the first wave of tingling, I noticed a surprised feeling; I hadn't expected to have this so soon (maybe 5-10 minutes after starting noting). Also noticed feeling pleased and happy. This tingling felt rather cold most of the times, but not in an unpleasant way. Ron had told me to watch the ending of sensations when I'm feeling A&P-like sensations, so I tried to do this. I noticed that the separate sensations of tingling and visual movement disappeared suddenly, whereas in earlier meditation I would see or feel them dissapearing more gradually.
The waves of tingling and visual movements disappeared pretty quietly every time: I didn't notice it disappearing until it was gone, and I noticed restlessness, pain/stinging in my lower back, waiting for the timer to go off, thinking about the remaining time, impatience, restlessness, moving my toes, waiting. I had set the timer for 55 minutes, but after 50 minutes I reached for my phone to see the time and stopped meditating. I felt mildly disappointed.

[marc]

Nov 9 2011, 4:26 PM EST

This evening at 8.30 PM I meditated for 25 minutes.
First I counted my breath for 5 minutes, feeling a bit impatient to start noting, so I started noting while I wasn't very concentrated yet. I was a bit absent minded most of the time, and I noticed several times that I had wandered off again, thinking about events in the past or imagined situations, melodies in my head, spacing out, and slight tension in my lower back. Then I felt a few waves of tingling, mostly through my arms, but also through my upper body. which felt a bit cold, but pleasant (again a bit goosebump-like). This tingling lasted pretty short, and then I noticed restlessness, impatience, urge to move, resisting this urge but eventually ending up moving my foot, still feeling impatient. I grabbed my phone and saw I had only sat for 25 minutes and felt very disappointed in myself, so I remained on the cushion for 2 more minutes, but then I stopped anyway.

I'm not really a coffee drinker, but about 45 minutes before meditating I had a cup of pretty strong coffee, so maybe I was more agitated because of that. Probably good to keep in mind next time.

[marc]

RonCrouch
Nov 10 2011, 12:00 AM EST

Hey Marc - I'm glad to see you are going to keep a journal. You'll get a lot of good feedback from the folks here at KFD. I look forward to reading about how things develop.

[marc]

Nov 10 2011, 6:51 AM EST

Meditated 50 minutes this morning (timer set on 55 minutes).
I counted my breath from 1-10 for about 10 minutes, then stayed present with the breath for 5 more minutes. Felt pretty concentrated and began noting. Noticed thinking, tension in lower back, planning, imagining situations, thinking about how to write down my experiences. After about 15 minutes of noting, I saw moving lights in my visual field, and for a really short time I felt some mild tingling in my body. I felt a bit disappointed when the tingling stopped, and after this I noticed mach restlessness, impatience, tension in lower back. I adjusted my position slightly, and noticed that I was still feeling restless and the tension in my lower back was still present. I noticed hearing a song in my head, thinking about the lyrics, waiting, hoping, hearing, recognizing the sound as the garbage truck, realizing I didn't bring my trash can out, impatience. I reached for my phone and when I saw there were 4 minutes left, I stopped meditating.

[marc]

Nov 11 2011, 5:07 AM EST

Sat for 55 minutes this morning.
First counting the breath for aprox. 10 min. then keeping my attention on the breath for 5 more minutes. Fairly good concentration.
Started noting. Thinking alot, especially remembering alot about yesterday, wandering off, planning thoughts. Felt some tension in my lower back, noted waiting, hoping, saw some mild lights, which ended pretty soon, noted dissapointment, hoping, tension and pain in my lower back, wanting to move, impatience. Eventually I adjusted my position.
Still feeling impatient and restless, noted waiting, despair, wondering what I'm doing wrong. I stretched my arms, after which the pain in my back got worse, so again I changed my position (instead of staying aware of the discomfort). Noted waiting, boredom, hoping, then I heard the bell, which surprised me, and then I got up.

[marc]

Nov 11 2011, 5:30 PM EST

Sat 20 minutes this evening. First about 10 minutes of concentration on my breath, which didn't really work, and then I started noting half-heartedly. I felt very impatient, felt my back aching, was constantly wandering off, my attention seemed very distant. I got up way earlier than I had intended.

[marc]

Nov 12 2011, 6:26 AM EST

Sat 55 minutes this morning.
First I counted the breath for at least 10 minutes, then I stayed focused on the breath. Felt very concentrated, my breath felt very soft and I saw moving lights.
Began noting. Noted thinking, remembering, making judgements about someone, judging myself for that, itches, tension in lower back. Then I felt a stinging feeling in my stomach, which felt quite unpleasant and disappeared after aprox. 30 sec.
Then I saw moving/morphing lights and felt a few waves of fine tingling/vibrations through my arms and upper body (very pleasant). I noticed that after a sensations ended, I still felt a mental impression of it, that faded away gradually.
The tingling stopped, and I noticed that the tension/stinging in my lower back got more intense again. Noticed restlessness, urge to change my position, impatience, swallowing, clearing throat, urge to get up. I was trying to stay present with the unpleasant sensations, but felt very much resistance, tried to let go, felt my body tightening, noticed waiting. The restless and impatient feeling lasted until I heard the bell, and I felt very relieved.

[marc]

JLaurelC
Nov 12 2011, 11:38 AM EST

Good reports, Marc. I'm impressed that you stayed with it for as long as you did this morning. Sounds like you were having a difficult sit.