Marc's practice notes

[marc]

Dec 1 2011, 5:11 AM EST | Post edited: Dec 1 2011, 5:14 AM EST

Sat for 65 minutes this morning.
First I counted the breath for about 10 minutes. Then I switched to noting.
I noticed itches, aches, stinging, remembering, fantasizing, planning, hearing. A lot of mental activity.
Then I noticed tingling sensations, followed by coolness, waiting, not knowing how to label sensations, silence, fantasizing, wandering off.
Then some mild tingling, then more mental activity and restlessness, urge to move/get up. Noting speeded up, and then again tingling/vibrating sensations, accompanied by moving/flickering light.
Coolness, not knowing what to note, silence, slowing down, doubt, waiting, worrying, some sort of tension in my abdomen, analyzing this. Then I got up.

[marc]

Dec 2 2011, 6:47 AM EST

This morning sat for 35 minutes. First counted the breath for about 10 min. Then switched to noting.
Noticed itches, tension, pressure, aches, stinging. Also remembering, planning, fantasizing.
Then I heard a loud noise, it was a drill in the neighbour's house (they're renovating the house). It really startled me and immediately I felt annoyed. So I noticed hearing, recognizing, annoyance. The annoyance turned into anger. I noticed judgment, for being angry about something like that. Not long after that I got up.
The rest of the morning I felt irritable and reactive. Still a bit grumpy now.

[marc]

nadavspi
Dec 2 2011, 10:27 AM EST

Marc, I'm enjoying your journal. Thanks for sharing it.

Funny about the neighbors... last year I was noting out loud in an apartment with very thin walls. Every day I'd note imagining, embarrassment for what my neighbors must think of the crazy guy next door walking back and forth and talking to himself.

[marc]

Dec 3 2011, 4:20 AM EST

Ha, I can imagine! For me, embarrassment would be the main reason for not noting out loud... Thanks for your comment!

[marc]

Dec 5 2011, 11:20 AM EST | Post edited: Dec 5 2011, 11:21 AM EST

Yesterday I had a pretty typical sit, with a lot of restlessness and impatience.

This morning I sat for 45 minutes. Started noting without first counting the breath. At first I noted mostly body sensations: tension, aches, pressure, itches, tightness. Then more thinking, remembering, fantasizing, hearing thoughts, image thoughts. A bit of tingling, then some coolness, fantasizing, waiting. A tingling wave through my arm, then planning thoughts, remembering, head ache, fantasizing, wondering about the time, impatience.

[marc]

jgroove
Dec 5 2011, 3:17 PM EST

Great reports, Marc. Nice detail. Thanks!

[marc]

Dec 6 2011, 5:13 AM EST

Thanks for the encouragement, jgroove! Hearing from others that I'm doing things right helps me to hang in there and not to be too critical of myself.

Sat for 35 minutes this morning. Started noting from the start. Noticed quite a bit of tension in my back, some itches, tension in the abdomen, tightness in chest area. Fantasizing, image thoughts, hearing, interpreting, doubt, insecurity. Suddenly a very intense flickering, which lasted for just a few seconds. After this I noticed waiting, fantasizing. My attention became more scattered and slow. Not knowing what to note, feeling like I was missing out on sensations or chasing them without getting a hold of them. Boredom, wondering off, waiting. Then a very mild tingling wave, more thinking, fantasizing, tension, back ache, waiting, impatience, restlessness, urge to get up, checking the time, disappointment, intention to sit again tonight, getting up.

[marc]

Dec 6 2011, 3:07 PM EST

Had a 35-40 minute sit before dinner. At first I noticed a lot of tension in my back and stomach, and tightness just below my chest. The tension in my stomach and below my heart area felt very vibratory. Some itches. At a certain point, everything started feeling very chaotic, especially mentally, but also a very chaotic body feeling.
Building up of tension in the abdomen/chest, thinking about the 3C's, anxiety. Then a surge of tingling energy, followed by coolness and some chills. Confusion, doubt, heaviness, difficulty noting. Sensations seemed to appear on the periphery (in the back and left/right) and I couldn't accurately notice them. Then (I'm not sure) tension and pressure in my stomach. Something seemed different from other sits, but I can't remember what. After some time a mild and cool tingling wave, then some itches, tension, remembering, planning, a bit of restlessness. Again a (pretty long) pleasant cool wave of tingling sensations. Then everything slowed down, and I noticed waiting, not knowing what to note.
I remembered something I had to do tonight, and intended to get up, but I didn't: my body felt very heavy and the motivation to get up just dropped away. I noticed heaviness, laziness. Pretty quickly a nes (minor) tingling wave appeared, and then I got up.
After getting getting up I felt very unfocused, a bit like being stoned.

[marc]

Dec 7 2011, 4:08 AM EST

Sat for almost 50 minutes this morning. First some tension in my stomach and back, itches, aches. Hearing, interpreting, image thoughts, thinking, fantasizing, planning, worrying. Then two mild tingling waves. I was gradually feeling less aware, waiting for clearly distinct sensations. Then some tension in the abdomen/chest, a bit of anxiety, mapping thoughts, trying to stay aware of the tension, which gradually disappeared again. Fantasizing, boredom, mild tingling through my arms. Growing restlessness, both mental and physical, impatience, urge to get up, wiggling my toes, stretching my upper body. Trying to just stay aware of the restlessness and impatience without acting on it. I stayed on the cushion for about 5 more minutes, then I checked the time and I got up.

[marc]

Dec 8 2011, 5:32 AM EST

Sat 45 minutes this morning. Noticed itches, tension in stomach and back, neck pain. Remembering, judging, hearing, image thoughts. Planning, fantasizing, worrying, fear, doubt, guilt, waiting. Most of the time I felt very distracted, and I didn't know what to note. Noticed impatience, restlessness, intending, stretching. Still neck pain, and also some head ache. I decided to lie down. Noticed waiting, boredom, impatience, and then I got up. I felt very dissatisfied and disappointed.