Giulio B. pre-practice journal
Posted: Fri Mar 15, 2013 5:12 am
I was uncertain whether to copy-paste the old thread or to start anew, synthesizing stuff. This is because my threads are usually quite moody lol, so they get messy.
I've been in the dharma field since five years ago, and discovered the pragmatic dharma community two years ago. Done things on-and-off. I wasn't able to achieve tangible results. This is due to an intricate psychopathology (deeply-rooted depression, an extremely tenacious ocd, and consequences) that opposes most kind of meditation approaches. I am pre-nana and my concentration faculty is untrained. My road-map is as of always to set up the conditions for a trasformative practice to take off and get awakened, through doing the same things you do.
My favorites are noting, concentration on the abdominal movements, and something i call "writing". "Writing" is about writing down and trying to map the emotions that arise. It has the power to trigger in me interest instead of frustration, so It's what brought me to acquire the most self-knowledge.
Actually i'm somewhat confused, don't have a fixed (mandatory) practice schedule and any momentum. This is because it's five years that i'm constantly trying to set one up but have always failed at it. So I recently stopped to consider whether a more libertarian approach would be better. Rough out though i do something at evening time, and as an average it may be every other day.
I mentioned a strong ocd: let me just name it, even though being "content" is not that important for the sake of vipàssana. I have a spinal problem (a kind of hunchback) that causes me chronic pain, so i cannot sustain long-time sittings and also 20-minutes sittings can get troublesome. So I prefer to meditate lying down on a carpet. Being a hard surface and my eyes open, i can preserve a fair amount of attention, and i have to work with that anyway. "Writing" is done at a table instead, preferably in the library. it does not always work though, so it's not the holy grail.
I've been in the dharma field since five years ago, and discovered the pragmatic dharma community two years ago. Done things on-and-off. I wasn't able to achieve tangible results. This is due to an intricate psychopathology (deeply-rooted depression, an extremely tenacious ocd, and consequences) that opposes most kind of meditation approaches. I am pre-nana and my concentration faculty is untrained. My road-map is as of always to set up the conditions for a trasformative practice to take off and get awakened, through doing the same things you do.
My favorites are noting, concentration on the abdominal movements, and something i call "writing". "Writing" is about writing down and trying to map the emotions that arise. It has the power to trigger in me interest instead of frustration, so It's what brought me to acquire the most self-knowledge.
Actually i'm somewhat confused, don't have a fixed (mandatory) practice schedule and any momentum. This is because it's five years that i'm constantly trying to set one up but have always failed at it. So I recently stopped to consider whether a more libertarian approach would be better. Rough out though i do something at evening time, and as an average it may be every other day.
I mentioned a strong ocd: let me just name it, even though being "content" is not that important for the sake of vipàssana. I have a spinal problem (a kind of hunchback) that causes me chronic pain, so i cannot sustain long-time sittings and also 20-minutes sittings can get troublesome. So I prefer to meditate lying down on a carpet. Being a hard surface and my eyes open, i can preserve a fair amount of attention, and i have to work with that anyway. "Writing" is done at a table instead, preferably in the library. it does not always work though, so it's not the holy grail.