Thitatto's practice blog

[thitatto]

30 min of meditation today. Busy day. Not much to report.

[thitatto]

50 min of meditation today. Pretty rough day again. My practice goes from what feels like "perfect fluency" to floundering. Sometimes I can sit alone in my sofa looking out into the room, doing a little bit of noting, and then tune into I AMness, feeling that having the rest of day without any plans is the greatest luxury ever and that I could live like that, sitting alone in my sofa, for the rest of my life. On a day like today I spin around in old "identity building projects" all day, with my mind desperately searching around for something to fill that "empty space" with.

[thitatto]

1 hour of meditation today. The Metta, the Equanimity, the I AMness and the sense of fluency is all back. I've been going through a really intense but short-lived dark night thing this weekend, and now it is just gone, as suddenly as it came.

[thitatto]

2 hours of meditation today. Had a really good day where I've been efficient and balanced in everything I've done, and now it happens what often happens when I've had a day like that - I have too much energy to fall asleep.

[thitatto]

Meditated for 1 hour today. Managed to get by on 3 hours of sleep last night. Noting, Metta, and Who am I? There's been little 3rd eye activity lately. Wondering if that has to do with my focus going more to Metta and Who am I? practice, and a little bit less on noting. I'll keep an open attitude about that.

[thitatto]

1 hour of sitting both yesterday and today.

[thitatto]

1 hour and 40 min of sitting today. More of total meditation time spent on noting aloud. That quickly builds up more concentration and energy. Seems like when my concentration is good I get a lot out of both Metta-pracitce, 2nd gear and 3rd gear, but often I don't realize when it is time to down-shift into noting aloud again, and then I seem to try to imitate earlier results I've had with what felt like powerful Metta, 2nd gear and 3rd gear practice without realizing I've lost steam.

[thitatto]

2 hours of meditation today. Nothing new to report, but noting aloud certainly is what works for me. It gives my practice way more concentration and energy.

[thitatto]

3 hours of meditation today. Getting more 3rd eye activity again.

[thitatto]

1 hour and 45 min of meditation today. Feels like I'm getting even more into the groove with this noting aloud technique. First of all it provides me with a lot of safety since I'm confident I wont be lost in thought while I'm doing it. Now it seems like I'm also really starting to fine-tune it, so that the sound and vibration from my voice almost becomes like an added bonus to the meditation experience. If I speak really soft and kind but crisp and clear at the same time, the phenomena of my voice feeds into the meditation in a very positive way, like it adds energy. I can also see that the way I "touch" the objects of awareness with my notes/labels is also done with a much gentler touch.

Interestingly enough I'm having a parallel process going on at the art school I'm in, where I'm really starting to become much more relaxed and develop a much more gentle way of drawing my lines and staying with the object I'm observing. Much less stress, rigidity and anxiety about drawing from real life. I also think there are some similarities between meditation and drawing when it comes to narrative mode VS. experiential mode. When drawing from real life objects and models one really has to tune into experiential mode, and let go of a lot of the narrative story-telling. I see that I can use my increased vipassana abilities now to let go of a lot of the anxiety in my body, and stay more gently in the experiental mode while drawing.

Love this practice:)