Pablo P. Practice Journal

[PabloP]

It's much easier to write a report of the session when much of what I'm noting are physical sensations. But when thoughts and mind-states predominate it gets hard to give a chronological detailed report, because there are a lot of things happening which aren't easy to describe.

Sat for around 40 minutes, and tried to do the Four Foundation Noting. With earplugs on, at first I noted some discomfort on the ears, vibrations in the torso, heat and bodily tics. No coolness showed up but there were vibrations at the Brow Chakra, which came and went away during the whole session. With no sound distractions, the mind went calm which was periodically interrupted by image-thoughts, remembering, reporting, melodies. Those triggered more thoughts, which I noted or noticed, as I was able to. All these phenomena stopped most times abruptly. I see myself caught it the last syllable or sound when the "gone moment" happens (a la Shinzen Young's). So far, I cannot see what is triggering it, if I'm unconsciously recognizing one of the 3C's (something I wrote earlier in March), or if just happens. The thing is that I go deep for 10 seconds or so watching the spaciousness, but then concentration is lost and things show up in the periphery and soon I'm back again noting lots of stuff.

Around the middle of the session, there was big moment. I was noting mental-states that were sprouting after thoughts and this calm-mind / scattered-mind cycle. Twice I noted "they are all going away". As nowadays I'm not having a particular psychological problem, I moved on. But when noted "don't leave me alone", I found that my mind was actually complaining that it felt being left alone when thoughts vanished. The event had a surprisingly psychological twist: in the past, fear of no-self was shown (in dreams) with aggression or terror, but this time it was pity. In some way, it felt more honest.

Later , a(n off-cushion) pain in the shoulder started to hijack the session. Noting didn't dissolve it, so I tried to focus on the "interesting" features of the pain (degree of stinginess, heat, the fading of the sensation, etc). It did help to keep, I could keep noticing what was going on. So, as a little practice, whenever I was noticing some ugly phenomena I noted the interesting aspects if it, and if the phenomena was nice I noted the ugly aspects. May be, this could help me wade through the craving/repulsion thing.

[PabloP]

During the weekend I sat for around 40 minutes each day, plus practiced ping-pong noting through Skype with Viktor (from DhO). It was a weird experience, as each one's noting push the other into their territory/ñana. It also takes time to adjust to the time gap between notes. Maybe in future sessions the practice will get sharper. What left me thinking is that at least one of the yogis should ideally reach EQ easily. Otherwise, the other's DÑ would drag both down.

I speculate that there may be many interesting variations to try out in this ping-pong noting, such as:

* A yogi notes physical sensations and mind-states only, while the other feeling-tones and thoughts only. As one pushes the other into the same territory, hearing the other noting the other`s stuff may enrich both practices. They would be noting some phenoma while noticing indirectly other, as the partner would be bringing in stuff to the foreground.

* A yogi notes the attractive aspects of physical sensations, while the other on the unattractive ones. Just like the above point, reinforce both practices regarding the hindrances to meditation.

%%%%%%%%

Regarding my practice, I'm gaining concentration by using the earplugs, and my sensing of physical phenoma is getting back. Nevertheless, keeping the pace with noting is harder, not because I get absorbed in jhana, as I try to investigate the periphery while in deeper calmness, but because I easily alternate between periods of big concentration with others of lost in thoughts, specially after the 20-30 minute mark. Would multiple short sessions per day work better than a single 60 minute session????

[PabloP]

Date: 05/07/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: 10 minutes stretching and Qigong
Length of Sits: 50 minutes
Posture: half-lotus
Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: Low EQ
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Four Foundation Noting, 10 minutes each, and briefly Aversion Parameter Evaluation.
General Thoughts:
* Earplugs made a big change in my practice. After a week or so of using them, the heat and discomfort have vanished almost completely, I can note again all phenoma in a steadier calmness. It's funny that in 2012 a did several months of kasina practice and this year I tried an Ipod app for maybe two months. But in just a week I could get much deeper.
* This longer calmness made me avoid a (paradoxical) tension in the eyeballs when I was in fact trying to release it. Before, I was following with the eyes the opening of the space, which usually meant pointing in an angle to the ground. Yesterday, I could stay with no strain in a parallel line to the ground (like trying to see the horizon but actually not doing any effort in going that far). Not only the eyeballs relaxed fuller but the remaining tension in the ears disappear too. It felt just like when I first hit Low EQ during March, before sliding back. Also, there's Aversion Zero in that situation. But when I started to investigate the scene, I found tension and agitation in the breath. More work to do.
What worked, what didn't: Able to do two sessions in a row, and against all odds tap Low EQ.
Aversion baseline: 1~2 , low point: 0, high point: 2
Goal for Next Session: Keep exploring the eyes-ears-breath connection and Aversion.

[peong]

but because I easily alternate between periods of big concentration with others of lost in thoughts, specially after the 20-30 minute mark. Would multiple short sessions per day work better than a single 60 minute session????

I would like to know the answer as well because I have similar experience. If I count the breath, I would start to lose count or space out after 30min. And this situation continues until the session ends, be it at 45min, 1hr or 1.5hr.

peong

[PabloP]

Guess everyone has to find it out on their own... When doing vipassana for long periods, the standard practice is one hour of sited meditation and next other hour of walking meditation. Maybe, in the case of concentration practices, you could do 30 minutes of breath count and the next 30 minutes colored kasina. In fact, last year I did this, but kasina first.

[PabloP]

Couldn't practice for three days in a row, then resumed practiced in the weekend, sitting for 30 minutes each day. Plus, Viktor and I did ping-pong noting and exchanged notes for 60 minutes. I resolved that for the time being, I'll do two daily sessions of 30 minutes each instead of trying a one 60 minutes sit, as it's problematic in my social life (and soon will be worse as my son will be born in a couple of months) and so far my crappy concentration fades away in half an hour.

Regarding ping-pong noting, it was interesting to notice that this protocol don't allow much thoughts to arise and instead do let mind-states pop-up, because of the human interaction. When I meditate on my own, it's the other way around. The other thing that happened is that there's always funny situations in this paired noting. Besides having a good laugh or smile, the interesting thing is that I could actually do some vipassana to "happiness", that is, the residual good mood left behind after a good laugh. It surprised me how long did it last, and the connections of the corners of the mouth with a general relaxed skull-facial muscles. (I have tried in the past the Vimalaramsi's method, it was good but felt mechanic. This time it was genuine. ) It said that we cling to pleasant things and avoid unpleasant ones. But it also happens that in vipassana is the other way around, we (I) are eager to find ugly stuff and elude the nice one. In the financial markets there's a saying: investors end up "stretching looses and putting a cap on profits" (estirar las pérdidas y acortar las ganancias).

Having said that, when I meditated on my own this weekend, it was a mix of samatha and vipassana. As I'm using earplugs, it starts as a samatha but I investigate and note the aspects of it. (Will add more later).

[PabloP]

Did only 30 minutes today. Rather quickly, I got into a deep dark and calm space. Once it didn't go any deeper, I started to investigate the place and whether I could sense physical sensations, feeling-tones, mind-states and thoughts. All four were lessen, still I could start noting. With some practice, I see now that I can stay in that calmness and be noting. Before, I was soon losing the calmness when starting noting.

Later, many thoughts were noted as not-self. But the funny thing is a couple of times the label was noted as not-self too! Something like "Hearing the Noter". Another interesting by-product of using ear-plugs is that when loop-thoughts begin to arise, there's pressure building is the ears/jaws area, so it's a good alert before I get lost in thoughts.

Finally, there was an interesting phenomena to observe. When thoughts vanish totally, I can begin to hear a low pitch wavy sound (maybe 5 Hz) coupled with vibrations and pulsing in the middle of the brain. I'll try to investigate it more next time.

When in that deep calmness, the lights that begin to appear are different from the usual nimitta or shrinking circles going away. Instead, they have like a 3-D appearance, like a raceme (cluster) of lights opening, with little rays pointing in different angles (away from a supposed axis).

It's hard to put me in a map nowadays. There's some minor discomfort in the chest-high abdomen area every now and then, but no major problems. This could be EQ but also a spacey A&P, who knows!

[PabloP]

Date: 05/14/2013
Pre-Meditative Context: 10 minutes stretching and Qigong, before that I came home excited by a recording session and future music plans
Length of Sits: 30 minutes in the morning, 40 minutes in the evening
Posture: half-lotus
Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: Low EQ
Meditative Techniques Utilized: Four Foundation Noting, silently. Focused more heavily on Impermanence
General Thoughts:
* I woke up earlier today, and I managed to take a 30 minutes break in my (home) job to meditate. It wasn't a nice session, after some minutes of a samatha-like stage soon I was lost in thoughts and/or falling asleep. Next time, I would note out-loud from the beginning.
* In the evening session, I had to deal right at the start with a solid discomfort in the chest (probably residual excitement from the music stuff). I kept noting physical sensations for 15 minutes. When noting the spot, I could only see vibrations in the periphery of the object, else it remained to be solid. I switched to feeling-tones and observe if there was a difference...not much, but thoughts and emotions were more easily seen. [ EDIT: there were fear images and stories that lasted for a couple of minutes ]. Only when thoughts disappeared abruptly, did the discomfort in the chest disappear. The remaining minutes of the session was a back and forth of thoughts disappearing and reappearing when noting broke concentration.

* One interesting thing is that to gain back concentration I followed the pulse (pressure) in the ears (because of ear-plugs). Doing that, I could only relax, and that lessen the pressure in the zone, the sound disappear and the mind got calm without thoughts arising. I think there's no risk to watch the heart-beat in the ears. Daniel and other advanced yogis said it was risky to focus in the chest area, because it could disturb the heart.

* Like yesterday, when the calmness arrived, there was a low pitch wavy sound, and vibrations in the spine and brain. Probably it's just the blood circulating what I'm sensing.

Goal for Next Session: If reached a calm state, start to evaluate Aversion.

[PabloP]

Date: 05/15 - 05/16 - 05/18 - 05/19
Length of Sits: 30', 30', 45', 30'
Posture: half-lotus
Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: Low EQ

Meditative Techniques Utilized: Four Foundation Noting, silently. Focused more heavily on Impermanence. On Sunday, ping-pong noting with a fellow KFD yogi

General Thoughts:
* Gaining concentration
* Passed through DN symptoms very quick
* In fact, there's little physical sensations coming up front, coolness and vibrations are there only when I search for them. This could be a side effect of using earplugs, or perhaps a phase in EQ, or both (or none ).
* The most interesting thing of the last few days is that I found a spot/place/posture where I get into deep relaxation (all eyeballs and jaws tensions fade away, eyes looking up front with no angle to the ground, watching at no more than two inches away), where even my breath don't get agitated. Kind of an "Aversion Free" spot, where I could managed no to ruin the letting go with anticipation and/or fear.

* Added: There's also a trade off in ping-pong noting, between a 1 note per second with a (say) 1 note every 3 seconds. In the former there's more concentration building up but there's little time to hear the partner's notes.

Goal for Next Session: If reaching a calm state, start to evaluate Aversion.

[PabloP]

Date: 05/21 to 05/25
Length of Sits: 45' most days, 90' on Saturday
Posture: half-lotus
Cutting Edge Insight Stage of the Session: Low EQ

Meditative Techniques Utilized: All-round silent noting with earplugs, mixed with concentration practice.

Dynamics: Start with silent noting. If physical phenomena predominate, Annica and dukkha are on the front line. When thoughts predominate, anatta and dukkha. In the later case I watch the physical symptoms when thoughts arise and pass (tensions, vibrations, energy flow), to complete the missing one (Annica) and avoid losing concentration. When thoughts are not abundant, I practice noting the vibrational aspect of low, middle and high pitch tones, and use the low pitch tone as an anchor for concentration.

General Thoughts:
* DN physical symptoms are seldom noticed, mostly they are thoughts and mind-states, specially when the eyes sight points to the ground.
* Concentration is increasing, longer periods (up to 2 minutes) close to 1st Jhana.
* Once stabilizing the relaxed thoughts-free aversion-free "state" I search for things to note, mainly physical sensations.
* If this doesn't happen, I focus on the low pitch tone, both to use it as an anchor for concentration, and because after some time vibrations are perceived. It's interesting because other sounds/noise tend to trigger thoughts, but not this one.

Goal for Next Session: Keep trying to sit for longer periods, 90' would be best.