Eric III

[Eric_G]

Lack of motivation for formal practice continues. I probably average about 15 minutes a day, finding that a small amount seems to be beneficial medicine and keeps me in shape. I had gotten out of practice earlier in the year and it seemed like I had to work back up to where I was before. When I sit, the progress of insight takes a few seconds, and then it is dark and tranquil. I'm not very absorbed these days, but I would put the experience in the area of 7-8th jhana. Seems very easy to just go "beyond" and keep letting go.

Very equanimous for a while now. About a week or so ago I had a feeling of a substantial shift, also a couple of fruitions, at least one with the flash afterward. But I don't know quite what to make of it as it doesn't seem to be particularly unusual for me to have fruitions at any time. What I do tend to notice is that there are periods where there are a lot of fruitions (post cycle), and then periods where not so much. Still seems to be in the not so much category.

I was thinking the other day about my big A&P experience years ago and how shockingly different that experience of mind was in contrast to my usual mind at that time. So clear and open and relaxed, in contrast to always seeking, striving, and believing. I was thinking that my mind is pretty much like that all the time now, minus the effusive joy.

[Nadav]

Nice.

[Eric_G]

Not sure this is anything, but I was somewhere beyond 5th jhana, so space was let go of, and I'm pretty used to continuing on letting go, and so there is this "beyond" that I believe is around 7th or so. But yesterday it was like I was noticing something even beyond the beyondness, kind of like if you had a thought in parenthesis and then you noticed there was yet another set of parenthesis around the whole thing. More space around the space.

[Eric_G]

Meditating semi-regularly, rare now that I skip a day.

Progress of Insight run-through when I sit down has shortened to about a second, then peace and dark, quiet. Meditated in line at Walmart yesterday, noticed 1st jhana very strong, went weakly to 2 and 3 before I had to deal with stuff. Woman in full burkha behind me, not sure I'd ever seen that in real life.

Last fall I went a couple of times to what I suspected was one of the pureland jhanas. I have felt like I'm going into new territory lately, there is a pleasantness and an upward direction. Today I had strong sensations over the scalp around the crown (never had that before), then a period where I felt mainly a sensation like a headband, and then back to familiar tension around the brow.

[Russell]

Very interesting!!! Keep us posted!

[Eric_G]

Still not practicing much, probably averaging 20 minutes a day formal practice.

Had a couple of fruitions last night, this would be the first time in several months. These stayed in equanimity. The first one seemed shallow, the second one was more of a complete, startling discontinuity. The startling part is coming back. Whoa.

My current pointer is kind of being in the middle, or seeing thru the middle of it all, being amidst, if that makes any sense. Kind of like Tarin's alternate advice for later paths.

[Eric_G]

Sitting in my usual blend of dark relaxed peace and occasional thoughts. Went out of drifty thoughts into a more stable no-thought awareness, up and pleasant, seems like a bit of energy. Then tingling over the scalp and the headband sensation. I was kind of wondering if that was going to happen again.

[Eric_G]

Seems like some A&P type stuff recently, at least in terms of more effects of light, or maybe high EQ. Light pooling up along the eyelids and kind of blinky, discontinuity prone, strobish stuff. A little difficulty sleeping here and there.

Extreme peace sitting today, very dark and relaxed, quiet. I listened to a metta meditation for a change of pace but after engaging with it for a few minutes I found myself letting go of even listening.

Every now and then when napping I get that sleep paralysis thing, often with a bit of paranoia about a sensed presence. That happened yesterday, kind of a lucid dream state almost, but I was aware and just meditated and lightly noted my way thru it. It seemed to bust it up really well. Usually it's a bit hard to wake up out of that state, a struggle, but lightly noting the hearing and paranoia, being present with it (I think normally there is more resistance and fear), it seemed to reach a kind of crescendo of voices and a bit of light, and I became awake easily.

[Eric_G]

Some light sadness and general ennui over the last day or two. Maybe a DN subnana.

Generally speaking, it feels like what has become akin to a permanent low dose valium drip seems to be somewhat increased as of late. More tranquil, a sense of smoothness and mild detachment. Seems like in the past month emotions were highlighted for a while, and lots of sensation around the eyes and brow continue. Dreams seem more lucid in general.

I'm reminded a bit of the post 1st path honeymoon period when mindfulness was continuous for long periods of time.

[Eric_G]

Have felt more "normal" in the past few days and noticing that the extra continuous mindfulness seems to have faded a bit. Maybe that was a path after all. Went 6 days without formal practice, but starting to sit again.