by Rod1 » Sat May 04, 2013 4:18 am
Log Update 04/05/13
Last night did walking meditation for 70 minutes, getting easier and more coordinated. Still on 3 notes per step. Also noted irritation at cars and headlights etc. Very similar to sitting meditation now - mind wanders, note the thoughts and come back to noting steps. Moved awareness to the disconnection between steps and mind etc. Got home and sat for 60 minutes. Moved through jhanas slowly letting each develop and noted components of each more diligently. In 4th watched sensations particularly subtle vibrations in limbs and flashing in visual field. Late to bed so slept through to 5.30 and meditated tip 8.30. Watched breath then moved slowly through each jhana, watching for all factors for each and watching the mind states in each. In 4th watched body vibrations again and also watched violet blue shapes developing in the middle of the visual field. Gradually expanding like inkblots to cover most of the field but always changing in shape and intensity and flashing. I noted their impermanence. Then, for some reason they changed colour to cream white light and continued in the same way. I watched this for a while, noting impermanence. Maybe these were nimitta? Haven't really noticed them particularly before - this time, were quite distinct. Also watched thoughts form and watched how the mind was grabbing them and discerning their content - almost like an artisan, it was picking up what almost seemed random issueing forth of thoughts, and exploring, developing the content so that the two were almost indistinguishable - I can see that the term 'sticky' is very apt. In 4th jhana, thoughts are not so strong and frequent so I guess it was easier to watch and make sense of than normal? I noted the distinction between the thoughts and the mind then was aware of something else. Not sure - it was 'me'. What is 'me'? Where is 'me'? At this point I started to see that I was intellectualising and analysing rather than watching and stopped.
Sat this afternoon for 90 minutes slowly developing each jhana and watching the factors of each, surrendering to each and noting their impermanence. In 4th watched the equanimity and how it 'muted' external sensations (noises) and thoughts and feelings. I watched the subtle vibrations and tried to direct concentration to them, trying to feel vibrations and see flashing in the visual field at once. Awareness of the body is pretty low in 4th but i watched for boundaries or absence of them between my body and not my body. I tried to be more absorbed in this vibratory sensation to see what would happen. I started to sense particles vibrating and the normal mental picture of my body shape started to become indistinct (not sure this is describing things very well). Then moved awareness to my mind and thoughts, noted the distinction and then asked the question who is this? What is this? Where is this? At the asking of these questions, there was a little rush of excitement that I noted. I tried not to be distracted by it but too late! At that very focused point, it appeared these questions might yield something. It was like, I had been able to separate out components to a point where a different view might be available.
After that walked to the shops, noting steps (normal speed) to meet my wife for dinner. I think I am getting a better understanding of how to combine concentration and insight practice. Seems useful so far.
of course but found the concentration easy since its a concentrated activity that favours noting anyway. Also noted irritation at crazy drivers and at traffic not doing what I 'wanted it to do' - rich ego noting territory of course. Busy day today so only occasional noting of emotions during interaction with people etc.
