Rod's Practice Journal

[NickP]

Sounds like good progress as evidenced off the cushion. Interested to know what Kenneth's take is on where you are on the maps

Nice mixture of techniques you have out there. Although I'm not convinced they're effective when mixed up in real time, like noting and your micro-happiness practice. E.g., if you drive yourself to enjoy this moment rather than dispassionately noting it, that's also something you can note. I think a technique is effective when you commit totally to it for a set period of time (15 minutes, 2 years, whatever)

Jhana is a very overloaded word. It can mean many things:
- Visuddhimagga absorption (total, can't do insight from within it)
- A softer samadhi altered state from which you can do insight (Gunaratana seems to use this definition)
- A bunch of vipassana ñanas put together (many authors seem to implicitly use this one)
- The stability of concentration that enables you to do vipassana, without implying it's an altered state of consciousness
...so it's a very slippery business trying to read texts and make changes to one's own practice based on an author's opinion on something called jhana. I think they are a good support, but the personal experience of vipassana with varying degrees of absorption and momentary concentration is far superior.

[Rod1]

Log Update 16/04/2012

Sunday night sat for 60 mins then 60 mins lying down. Sitting was doing jhanas and exploring states 'beyond'? 4th. Trying to see the components of the jhanas and isolate them individually - noting and watching. Lying down, tried to do no-action meditation just watching breath and seeing what happened. Naturally dropped into 2nd jhana and went on from there drifting in and out of jhanas especially in 4th. It was an interesting exercise - noting throughout but hard not to fall asleep. Since meditation is usually first thing in the morning or last in the evening - there is always the struggle with sleep. Also noticing stronger periods of intense itching spots on face and now in other parts of body too during meditation.

Monday morning woke up at 4.30 and watched breath for about 30 mins then meditated till 6.30. Went to 4th jhana and noted. Sporadic noting through the day although am getting better at it during work. Monday night sat for 50 mins then lying down for 60 mins. woke up at 2.30 and noted for about 20 mins then back asleep. Woke up at 5.00am noting breath for about 30 mins then meditated - fell asleep in the middle and had weird dream then woke up continuing in 4th jhana. Strange.

Noted on bus on the way to work (about 40 mins), then had meeting all morning and noted through most of it (about 2.5 hours) which was interesting watching emotional responses etc to comments. Noted in bus on the way home (about 30 mins). These are sessions using the iphone app and are usually continuous. I am also trying to note throughout the day except when doing work that actually demands most attention and effort. Noting is getting easier and concentration level is increasing from it I suspect. Also noticed that at times in the middle of a noting session, I am getting fairly intense itchy spots on my face, neck and head similar to when I meditate. Not sure what this means, if anything. Actually not really sure what the itching means anyway. Can be irritating (noted ) I am also interested in where all this noting may lead - it is supposed to dissembed so not sure how that plays out in experience. Sometimes need to be careful with noting that its not an automatic, unaware process as I think it becomes meaningless if this is the case. Reading through the Nyanaponika There book (Heart of Buddhist Meditation) he suggests that if done diligently, then over time the insights will present themselves, so I am looking forward to this. He talks about bare sensate noting - I am doing that but also mixing it up with 'verdana' as well (pleasant, unpleasant, neutral) notes as well. At this stage, I don't feel anything happening but I would expect alot more time and effort is required. So on I go. I would be keen to learn of anyone else's experiences with noting and effects experienced from it.

[Rod1]

Thanks Nick, appreciate your comments here. I would also be interested in Kenneth's take on where I am although I think he is watching and reserving judgement for the moment

Yes the micro-happiness is a bit of a work in progress and is really devised to try and incorporate that part of my daily experience into practice in a positive and beneficial way. Increasingly I am noting, and my enjoyment of nature etc is included in that. The selective happiness is more practicing enjoying in the moment and letting go straight away but may be redundant if the impact of habitual noting kicks in - not sure what that impact would be but noting seems to be a very effective practice.

Jhanas are strange for me - I always have been able to get into them, can call them up anytime so am trying to develop a good way to utilise them without making them the main point of practice. Whilst I can get very absorbed in a jhana if I really focus on it, I have chosen not to since it can negate any observation or insight practice. So jhanas in my experience are softer and more pragmatically experienced. I think it would be a waste if I was not able to use them to aid practice.

[Rod1]

Log Update 19/04/2013

Travelling for work since Wednesday so unable to log. Summary of practice over the past 3 days:
Wednesday - Morning woke up at 5.00 and noted for 30 mins then moved into Jhanas until 6.30. Stabilised what I think is 5th jhana as a distinctly different state from 4th and attempted noting from there, which was possible although since the object is infinite space, the noting is around thoughts/feelings/perceptions of that, and also of things that are other than infinite space. I purposely don't try to get into really hard jhanas so noting in 4th and this new jhana (5?) is possible - although not much happens in them. So I am shifting practice balance more towards insight - particularly through increasing daily practice where possible.

Took a flight for 1.5 hours and was able to meditate for most of the flight which was really useful - I noticed that it was almost as possible to get into all Jhanas I currently have access to whilst on the flight than when in silence at home. When not meditating, I noted.

Wednesday night had pretty upset stomach and realised the really fishy tasting fish I had 2 mouthfuls of before discarding at the airport for lunch, was the culprit. I was tired but managed to meditate for about 30 minutes before having a disturbed sleep due to an increasingly sick feeling. I noted these feelings, and noted my desire to try and ignore them and avoid them, noted the sensations and my aversion to them, my growing headache and tiredness. Did get some sleep. In the morning, meditated for about 30 minutes before having to get up and prepare for day of meetings. Tried to watch the food poisoning play out in my body, and watched how I felt about it. It was interesting to find that even though it was really unpleasant whilst being the central participant in meetings and at the same time feeling pretty sick, it did not deeply bother me as it might have done in the past. I wasn't throwing up but all the other 'features' of food poisoning were there. Meetings concluded successfully, and back to airport - meditated on plane as best as I could - jhanas still available, and served as a good refuge from discomfort - however I did continue to note the discomfort and my reactions to it. Noted in Taxi on the way home (45 mins)

Last night, arrived home, shower and straight to bed - meditated lying down, but made no effort to get into jhanas, although they arose, just floated in and out, watching and noting thoughts - mostly remembering the past couple of days, planning, questioning, etc. Slept all night. This morning, meditated for 60 mins watching breath, noting both in and out of jhanas. Not particularly well directed practice whilst feeling ill - just realised it was an opportunity to watch and note in the hope of gaining insights and dis-embedding.

[Rod1]

Log Update 21/04/2013

Yesterday, lots of noting both at home and walking - tried fast noting but need better skill to do it routinely. Last night sat for 60 mins and about 60 mins lying down. Tried breathing technique based on technique developed by Ajaan Lee Dhammadharo - whilst it was a first attempt, it definitely improved concentration. Noted whilst in 4th jhana and stabilised 5th. Slept through till 6.00am and tried same breathing technique then 4th jhana and noting till 8.30.
Today was mostly working, but tried to note as much as possible and contemplating comments from Chris and Ona throughout the day.

Coming week is alot of travel so will continue to note and meditate as much and where possible (hotels are actually pretty good), but logging may not be as frequent. Mum's having difficult time at present so until I can physically assist, will be building metta into practice.

[Rod1]

Log Update 23/04/2013

Sunday night sat for 65 mins and meditated for 40 mins lying down. I tried different breathing technique again. Very effective for concentration. Went to 4th jhana where i watched and noted. I watched closely the effect that sounds had on my body and watched for thoughts and corresponding tension in the body. I started to see some tensions occur as thought streams flowed and also patterns in field of view intensified. When I heard a sound I found that my mind was trying to identify it's source by creating a picture of it. Additionally I noticed that when there was a sensation in my body, there was always a mental picture of its location. This would appear to concur with what Tom has noticed. I woke up at 2.20 am and watched breath for about 20 mins then noted thoughts and sensations. Since all else was quite it was good to watch thoughts and identify any effects - I noticed tensions resulting from scenario thoughts, planning thoughts and remembering thoughts. Some were groups of tensions that built up until noticed then consciously released them. Others were individual tensions.

Yesterday morning woke up at 5.00 and watched breath, and noted from 4th jhana till 6.00am. Last night in hotel after long company dinner running late. Meditated for 50 mins lying down. Agitated mind which was hard to note. Went to jhanas to quieten down, spent some time in 4th then went to sleep. Not a very productive session. Woke up at 6.00 and meditated lying down till 7.00. Mostly watched breath and noted with jhanas arising. Had headache all day (not hangover - no alcohol at last nights dinner). Noting as much as possible.

[Rod1]

Log Update 26/04/2013

Travelling for business this week. Normally travel is ok for practice - noting in taxis, meditating on plane, quiet hotel good for meditating. First day was 60 mins morning and 70 mins evening lying down both sessions were going through jhanas to 4 and noting sensations. thoughts etc in 4th. Noting wherever possible in the day. In the last couple of days, I came down with the flu which made practice pretty hard. Not sure if it was fever or the medication but meditation was hard with jumpy energy going everywhere, hard to concentrate and very agitated and distracted. Couldn't sleep so listened to Hamilton Project podcasts which were interesting and helpful on noting particularly. I noted the symptoms in seeing straight sensations and the mind's perception of them which seemed to package them into the 'sickness called the flu'.

So noting and contemplation were the focus over the past couple of days. Being sick seemed to make this easier as I tended to not care as much and let go more and just watch things around me. I am questioning sensations, behaviours as much as possible, inorder to try to see beyond assumptions - it seems that so much is knitted together to make solid things by assumptions. I noticed also that noting now is getting more like a lock on to something in that second of noting - so its almost like a freeze frame for each sensation noted, whereas before it was a pretty vague connection the noting and the noted. Now they are more connected.

Reflective Note: Still highly motivated, practice is now normal life. Actually, at the moment, more progress appears to be occurring off the cushion than on it. Perplexed at the difficulty in penetrating beyond intellectual understanding but I guess will come with time.

[NickP]

Beautiful.

On this:

... more progress appears to be occurring off the cushion than on it

I'm a bit curious, can you give some examples?

[Rod1]

Hi Nick,
Well I am really re-evaluating my practice at the moment. So things have changed - I used to focus very much on sitting and jhana development and concentration development. That has been helpful. Now, I am really hitting noting hard and focussing on right view, right effort and what that is in daily practice. My noting skill has improved - its more mindful than it was. Like I said in the log - its now mindful snapshots rather than a loosely associated note with phenomena. I am also getting a tiny sliver of a sense about the non-solidity of things. Its very recent and just a hint (at 'knowing' level rather than intellectually). Its just starting to emerge and seems to be associated with the more time I spend noting things - but of course I am still pretty fevery from flu so it may be associated with that too . I am also being more aware of my sense of confusion/perplexity and what that means, how to use it etc. I still do jhana practice since I think it helps with concentration ability and keeps alot of emotional/thought noise at bay. So sitting, there is less focus on insights at this stage. I think the central difficulty here is knowing how to combine Vipassana and Shamata effectively. I do note in 4th jhana but it doesn't seem very effective yet. Sorry for the ramble.

[Rod1]

Log Update 28/04/13

Saturday morning lying meditation for 60 mins - still with flu - concentration was difficult - so as I was drifting around jhanas, I noted as many sensations as possible. Sat in the early afternoon for 70 mins and was more concentrated getting to 4th jhana and noting sensations there. Last night meditated for about 60 mins sitting then tried to meditate lying down but medication took me out for the night. Also tried to walk during the day yesterday and noted steps all through. Whilst noting I started to get the tiniest sliver of idea that things are just forms reflecting light and made of lots of little bits. I saw just a little how if my identification with objects was not there, they would be just jumble of forms.
Feeling a little better this morning, meditated for about 1 hour after waking up but too congested to continue and similarly, noted whilst drifting into weak jhanas. Another wonderful sunny day, so walked to shops and back to clear lungs and sinuses, noting steps all the way and got quite concentrated. Walking speed was slow to normal, however difficult to note more than one note per step due to speed even though I could detect at least 3 different actions to each step, not including leg movements - just hard to note it all rather than general awareness and using iphone app to tap out notes. So next weekend, weather permitting, will go to sport field up the street and try slower walking meditation.
Approach now is just watching and having faith that things will unfold with diligent practice and time.