Russell's Old Journal

[Russell]

Jun 5 2012, 3:11 PM EDT

Ramping up sitting time a bit since I have added so much concentration practice. 40 mins concentration last night, 30 mins this morning. One big thing I am noticing is huge flashes (very dramatic) of light in the visual field when I notice a sound, like a house creak, when I am very concentrated. Not sure what that is.

Noting-wise: I feel lots of itches at the start, then things start vibrating and stay that way. It almost makes me want to get out of the way and observe, like in previous EQ states. Not sure if that is what I should do or to just keep noting.

[Russell]

Jun 6 2012, 12:18 PM EDT

More sitting for my confused mind. 40 min last night, 20 min this morning. Concentration is starting to lead to deeper absorption (unsure of which jhana's etc though) Really felt like I got right up and close to my breath last night, like it was the only thing in the world. When you guys practice jhana's do you ever push them along mentally with a little 'OK, next please' nudge, or do you just let them arise? I feel definite state shifts when I just let things happen with no mental nudging, but I am unsure which jhana I am in. I guess it doesn't matter.

Replies:

jwhooper
Jun 7 2012, 12:24 PM EDT

I usually let the jhanas progress as they will, but if I get curious or bored it does seem possible to "incline" towards the next one. It doesn't always work though, especially for 7th and 8th. My experience of the jhanas is not very clear either. It would be nice if they were very distinct, but they aren't. It seems like I start in 4th and go to 6th most sits, with 7th and 8th making the occasional guest appearance. They are never like the descriptions of "rapture" and "infinite" this or that. They are a lot more subtle.

Russell
Jun 7 2012, 1:03 PM EDT

Thanks for the the input. I still don't think I have experienced 8th, but 7th for sure. I need to just leave my mind alone and sit

[Russell]

Jun 8 2012, 12:46 PM EDT

Trouble with really sticky thoughts last night after some disturbing imagery (death and decay type stuff). Mind just running away with thoughts, so I watched it.

[Russell]

Jun 9 2012, 10:45 AM EDT

It's really like every sit is a completely different experience at this point. It used to be almost predictable but it is long past that. I feel like my cutting edge is a different nana each sit. While my previous post felt very DN'ish, last night it felt like Equanimity was present from the forefront. I even switched my object in concentration practice to the pressure on my forehead instead of my breath because it was so predominantly vibrating. Once I switched my attention there, I sensed a much higher concentration and absorption. Time flew by.

[Russell]

Jun 11 2012, 10:25 AM EDT

Really just feels like sitting and observing at this point. My concentration is better and things get very relaxing and calm, however, states and stages feel like they are unnoticeable. I can watch my mind try to find what nana or jhana I am in, but I just let it go. Still no fruitions or anything like that for a while. Just sitting.

[Russell]

Jun 11 2012, 10:40 AM EDT

Seems like today every single one of you is on my who to follow list on Twitter.

[Russell]

Jun 12 2012, 9:52 AM EDT

These sits are becoming more and more similar now, but I don't know "where I am" on the maps. Last night, I was concentrating and my mind just started noting on its own, so I went with it. Some disturbing imagery again at one point but it goes away pretty quickly. I am noticing very clear state shifts which just feel like shifting into jhana's, it's almost as if my mind kind of sees the next state and then jumps into it and then after awhile does it again. I think it only happened like 3-4 times. Feels like just moving through the 1st 4 jhana's but I am not sure. Where did you go arupa jhanas? (maybe i'm not sitting long enough)

If I notice, for example, that my 3rd eye area is vibrating. When I shift my attention there, it's almost as if my whole world zooms in on the area very quickly and becomes it. Not sure if that made sense.

Replies:

apperception
Jun 12 2012, 12:57 PM EDT

Do you think you may be in the dark night? Disturbing imagery + quickly falling away creates that dark night association for me. Also the overall muddiness and inability to figure out where you are is something I get in the pre-reobservation portion of DN.

Russell
Jun 12 2012, 1:08 PM EDT

It's very possible. Things are very muddy but I am just trying to calmly observe what is going on. It is usually very clear when I pass through disgust because of the grimaces, but I haven't experienced that during this cycle yet (or that I was aware of) Maybe Dissolution/Fear? It really feels like I settle in nicely, kind of have some of those absorption type feelings, crummy imagery and then just calm, but without clarity of where I may be on the maps.

apperception
Jun 12 2012, 1:54 PM EDT

I'm curious about post-second-path practice. Is it harder to map? How many nana cycles do you think you've completed since getting second path?

Russell
Jun 12 2012, 2:34 PM EDT

Yes...wait....No...wait... I don't know and I don't know

Joking aside. To me it all feels like a jumbled mess. I think part of this is a lot of letting go of the maps and what progress really means at this point. It feels like trying to pinpoint myself on the maps (while I still try to do it) leads to more "selfing" than anything.

[Russell]

Jun 13 2012, 10:40 AM EDT

Last night sat 45 minutes before chatting with Ron. I feel like I have a new concentration spot that accelerates my arc by a lot. I start using my breath but my 3rd eye vibrates so much that I just have to use that as my object and when I do my whole world goes zooming into that spot. Felt like I ran up the rupa jhanas very quickly like within 2 minutes of each other. To get to the arupa jhanas I still have to nudge myself, but access is granted. Then my mind started auto noting so I went with it. However, this brough a lot of sticky thoughts that I kept getting caught up in and then bringing my attention back to noting. Noticed the thoughts were completely wild stuff and disjointed, not always complete thoughts just coming from nowhere. Not me.

[Russell]

Jun 14 2012, 1:56 PM EDT

Last nights sit was pretty uneventful, actually I hardly remember it because I was so tired. I did try a trick Ron told me to cultivate the witness and it seemed to work, however I could not hold on to it for too long. Maybe straining too hard? Now that I have that strong pull towards concentrating on the 3rd eye area, he said once my focus pulls into that spot, then to turn around the focus back towards what is focusing on it. Right when I tired this I immediately got absorbed with piti and stayed with it for a bit and it dropped out. I will have to experiment with this more for sure.

[Russell]

Jun 15 2012, 12:14 PM EDT

Turning the attention back to the witness did not work as well last night. My point of concentration kept disappearing. Maybe straining too hard? I'm going to wait till I get much more concentrated to try that again.