Rod's Practice Journal

[Rod1]

Log Update 31/03/2013

Felt much better yesterday and much more motivated to practice. Sat last night for 1 hour on seiza stool and 1 hour lying in bed then went to sleep. Addressed my posture after watching a Zen video which was really interesting and for some reason I seemed to focus in on the explanation of sitting correctly. I sat using the seiza stool as usual but this time straightened my back so it was balanced vertically and kept my head up. Realised my posture to date has been poor, slumped forward and bent back. As soon as I did this, I felt better and my body felt light and empty (probably not only because of the posture). I found jhanas were stronger and I could sit longer comfortably. Through the sit I stayed in each jhana longer than usual to keep concentration up (its not been great over the past few days) and then once in 4th Jhana I watched sensations and also my attitude towards them, the jhanas, the sitting comfort, the noises outside. Through the course of this I seemed to either go deeper into 4th than usual or access some other level - it was like 2nd jhana - really tingly and compelling but just in my head, while I could not really feel my body. The visual field looked as if I were travelling forward through the flashing and I went with this. THere grew the feeling that blackness was blanketing parts of the visual field, folding over partially obscuring view of flashing shapes. I watched this and felt tendency to assist the process but realised I should just watch. As usual I felt the 'ceiling' of my skull and the energy and my attention banging into it and not being able to get through. I reviewed my feeling of need to break through but no great insight offered except energy being frustrated in its path. I backed off. Once lying down, I worked through jhanas again and noted sensations and stabilised in 4th.

Woke up at 1.30 thinking I had slept a whole night (thats common) and started breathing from the belly and noting 'pulling breath in' and 'pushing breath out' also noting any itches or sensations or thought streams occurring etc. Took a bit of getting used to and I had to stop working the breath too hard and hyperventilating. This was also based on watching this Zen video which mentioned that breath should come from down just below the navel. Have heard this before but focused on other things at the time so didn't heed. Did this for about 45 minutes then returned to sleep. Wok up at 6.00pm and started meditating lying down - first with breath then jhanas. Got to 4th jhana and insighted from there posing a question as to the basis of all sensations that arose. Cats scratching at door so finished at 4th at 8.10am.

Tested out new noting app (messaged on DHO) with a noting session and found it really helpful and will use it every day now. It gave me a basis to structure noting (silent) and seemed to make it easier to do for me. (App is called Mind Blown and is free at the itunes App store if anyone interested - just referencing, not advertising)

[JLaurelC]

Rod, I've been reposting all my old journals, the first under the title "Laurel's Practice". Check out the posts for 6/29/11 on the second page of the thread, posts 81 and 82 according to the original numbering. I settled down into a routine of posting the old entries in batches of five so it may be a little confusing to find it. I haven't gotten to the stream entry posts yet, but will let you know when I do.

I've read about the app as well, but I don't have an iPhone. I wonder if it works for a Samsung Galaxy phone, or for an iPad. All these gadgets! BTE, your continuity of practice is fantastic!

[Rod1]

Thanks Jane Laurel (which would you prefer? ) I have found them and reading through them. Quite a read! I really admire how you have stuck at it through what were very unpleasant and upsetting stages. The protracted A&P process is interesting and I can see similarities in the areas that were affected - head, neck and the compelling energies leading to shaking etc. Comparing this to my experience, it may be that the whole thing I went through over that 2 week period was one big A&P event. I had this experience when I first started that I posted on DHO and there was some debate as to whether this was A&P. It was far less freaky than what I just went through although at the time was pretty intense (http://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/gue ... ge/3742931). I have not experienced jhanas quite like that since although there are some common elements with 2nd jhana.

The jhana practice does confuse things a bit - Whilst I am daily moving into 4th jhana and insighting from there (equivalent to 11th nana), I appear to be sitting back at 4th-5th nana - confusing to me. Will be keen to read your stream entry posts - thanks

I have been able to load the app on my ipad it loaded fine and seems functional - logged in and seems to work fine. Could be good on the ipad in those boring meetings at work Not sure about the Samsung Galaxy phone.
Thanks for the encouraging comments - appreciate it.

[Rod1]

Log Update 02/04/2013
Sat Sunday night with 'improved' posture for 1 hour. Purposely stayed in each jhana for longer to keep up concentration. Once in 4th I investigated tingling and pressure in crown and this tendency to want to 'jump' out of my head and body. I pushed this to see what would happen and jumped into a state that I have been in before where it is like a 2nd jhana except only in the head - and like normal 4th jhana, there is no feeling in the body. Stayed in this state for a while then jumped to 2nd jhana which was instantly available and brought the whole body back with energy and tingling as usual. Then moved up to 3rd jhana and on to 4th. Once in 4th again, I started noting all sensations. I finished this session and lay down and continued to meditate - starting in 3rd jhana since my concentration level seemed to fit that, moved to 4th and noted sensations, thought streams etc for 1 hour and went to sleep.

Woke up at 1.30.am and started noting breath and then noting all thought streams. Strangely I fell into a dream and found I was noting in the dream which was weird. Not clear on what was dream and what was waking but generally a good experience. Woke up at 6.00 and started to note breath for about 30 minutes then dropped into jhanas through to 4th jhana and continued noting sensations from there. I listened to noises of people outside and watched how I responded to them both mentally and physically trying to see what induced the reactions. Finished session at 8.20am.

Sat and noted for about 15 minutes continuous using iphone app at rate of 1 note/second.
Lay down at 10.40 am and meditated till 11.45 noting in and out of jhanas.
Sat and noted at 5.30pm for about 20 minutes again using iphone app.

Meditated for 1 hour at 8.50pm reaching same state 'beyond' 4th jhana and similar to the previous night, returned to 4th after some time and moved back through the jhanic arc. Lay down and continued meditation moving through jhanic arc and noting at 4th then fell asleep. Woke up at 1.40 (feeling as if I had slept much longer) and noted breath and thoughts. Woke up at 6.00am and meditated till 7.00am through jhanas to 4th and noted there, finishing in 4th. Interesting point - Went to early dinner with my wife at Malaysian Restaurant nearby which was great however, noticed that hot curries (which I like) really mess with concentration in meditation. The evening sit and subsequent night was pretty agitated.

Busy day at work today so noting was limited to short times when emotions seemed high etc - good opportunity to question states of mind, motivations, reactions etc.

Generally things have settled to an almost boring level with the last week of meditations and experiences off cushions being as if I was not practicing at all. Interesting how it all goes - at this stage it seems as if no progress is being made at all. Everything the same - as they would say in manufacturing.....'boringly beautiful!' Is more intensity required? More momentum? and as Scotty would say 'I cannot give it much more captain!' Must continue nevertheless.

Reflection Note: I seem to be more able and interested in noting now for some reason and since it is a very practical and 'anytime' method with proven results, will adopt this in practice. So practice strategy now will return to original intention:

Meditation: Twice daily (more if possible on weekends/holidays) - Jhanas and noting and insight as appropriate
Noting: Through day where possible and with increasing frequency as skill increases.
Contemplation: As appropriate and when tired

[Rod1]

Log Update 03/04/2013
Meditated last night sitting for 50 mins and lying down for 1 hour. Went through the jhanas spending longer in each one to maintain concentration and improve technique. Sitting with straighter back and neck is getting easier although irritating is the lower back clicks and slips as I relax - they can be quite distracting. Noting in 4th jhana and practicing moving between jhanas non-sequentially. No particular insight except watching, noting.

Woke up at 2.30 and noted breath, sensations and thoughts etc. fell asleep at about 3.30am then woke at 5.30 and noted breath for a few minutes than meditated through jhanas to 4th and noted sensations and thoughts from there.

Raining today so took bus and noted using iphone app continuously. I am finding that the concentrated state that this produces actually reduces thought streams so there is less to note - almost self defeating! So at this early stage of proficiency, I am focusing on noting body sensations, pleasant/unpleasant/neutral and sensate information. Noted continuously on bus home too at about 1 hz or less with a few blanks as well. I also noticed what Tom identified mentioned in his log - that the mind tends to label things before its had any evidence of the sensation. Interesting.

Right speech is still a struggle. This is strange because if I explore my real intentions - I would actually prefer not to talk to people unless absolutely necessary, especially at work but its like conditioned behaviour that compels me to get involved in pointless conversations that more often than not involve some negative or derisive element. Maybe its part of some deep-seated primate social behaviour that we have. I am becoming more painfully aware of it now and it feels more inappropriate than before so I guess there is progress but long way to go.

[Rod1]

Log Update 05/04/2013

Sat on Wednesday night for 1 hour as I got home late from work function and was pretty tired. Got into 4th jhana and noted there. Woke up at 2.45 and noted breath etc for about 40 minutes.

Woke up at 6.00am and meditated till 7.00am. Noted on the way to work on the bus (about 40 mins). Patchy noting through the day.

Noted on the bus on way home. Sat last night for 65 minutes on seize stool then meditated lying down for 60 mins. Good concentration - stayed in jhanas to 'soak' and getting to 4th, was able to attain strong 4th with good concentration for the rest of the sit and noted in 4th.

Woke up at 5.30 and noted till 6.00 then meditated till 7.00am - good concentration in 4th jhana. Rolled over and noticed the mind had tendency to want to stay in 4th.

Noted in bus on the way to work. I think the noting is improving concentration. I have tried to read as much as I can about noting, its benefits and what I should expect to see as a result of doing it as continuously as possible. Some people say it was the technique that helped them through Dark Night and got them quickly to SE whilst others don't have much good to say at all about it. I did find an article in the Theravadan showing translations of the Buddha's teachings which looked pretty much like he was teaching noting. So am interested to see how things go as my technique and frequency increases. Kenneth showed me how to do it - especially detailed noting - I was not overly keen on it or any good at it before but now I am more interested in it as a daily simple practice.

[Rod1]

Log Update 06/04/2013

Sat last night for 60 mins and transferred to lying down for about 60 mins (getting sleepy). Woke up at 5.40 and noted for about 40 minutes then jhanas till 7.00am - had to leave early for motorbike service this morning so couldn't keep meditating for as long as I can as is usual on Saturday mornings. During noting I tried to watch all sensations but place my awareness at the centre of my body and dissociate the sensations of pressure, tingling, itching etc from the regions of the body that they were occurring - almost lining them up in my awareness along side thoughts, feelings etc in a linear fashion. This was based on an insight Tom O had in his log about catching the mind when a sensation was noted, as it visualised the part of the body where the sensation was occurring. This was interesting and whilst would take some practice I imagine would be a suitable way to assist the disembedding process?

Reflective notes/internal pondering (Taking Stock): At the moment, practice seems pretty routine - concentration ok on call, mind chatter not too much (definitely reduced from the last few months) even noting which has not been of much interest is looking better and I am enjoying doing it if for no other reason than it is a practice I can do beyond the cushion. Can hold reasonable concentration in or out of jhanas - at least enough to focus on any object for a reasonable period. No great affect or extremes of feelings (even at work). Still can't really detect progress through Nanas (is that necessary?) - when I sit, there are a few seconds of mildly unsettled feelings but then (if not doing jhanas) its all pleasant and increasing levels of concentrations and calmness with the odd thoughts to watch and pass. As always through meditation session there are stages of intense itchy points on the face/nose but they pass.

So this is different territory in that everything seems to have stopped - quite curious. It is prompting more questioning and questioning of that questioning that would probably not happen if the fireworks were happening in practice (to Ona's point a few days ago ). I see a need to know what is happening, a location, a reference point (I guess another form of maintaining identity?) So I am watching and analysing the need for me to know, the expectations and hopes etc underlying the feelings of needing to know and the dissatisfaction that underlies that, and the motivations for that dissatisfaction and the bases for those motivations etc. There is clinging, there is a preconceived model (I can see a risk here of having maps in reinforcing that clinging etc) that I am holding on to and expecting to see it proven and evidenced in my practice experience. Underneath that there is a desire to progress to a goal (conditioned behaviour reinforced every day at work and personal life/culture), underneath that there is a desire to awaken (based on a perception of what awakening is of course). Actually, even the way I am perceiving this in a linear hierachy is questionable too . Intellectually I see this, but obviously that is not enough to dissolve it, it seems that I need not to care and if I do care, then understand those reasons for caring and if possible retain only those that motivate continued effort on virtuous practices, and I guess at some point shed those as well. So I guess this will keep me going for another lifetime or 2

[Rod1]

Log Update 07/04/2013
Good sit last night for 1 hour on seiza stool and then 1 hour lying down. Spent most of the first hour in Vipassana watching breath then noting sensations (without jhana) and then moved into jhana up to 4th and continued from there. Phenomena were increased intensity in itchy points on face through meditation and also a tingling on the external side of my head which as concentration deepened moved up to the crown and front of head. Tingling on forehead between eyes as well. Felt very absorbed and calm. Lying down, continued in 4th Jhana watching flashing in visual field. Focused on flashing and tried to become more absorbed in it - trying to sync my noting speed with it and then 'pushing through' it.

After finishing, went to sleep but woke up a couple of times with sharp itchy points on my face continuing and feeling really buzzy with a subtle energy wave moving from head to toe then back up again continually. It felt like I was still in some Jhana state and was quite pleasant. Woke up at 5.00 and meditated through to 8.00am watching breath then into Jhanas up to 4th. Tingling at crown and buzzy feeling throughout gradually subsiding by end of sit.

Had coffe at shopping mall and noted (silently) using iphone app for a while.

Got a half hour sit in this afternoon - buzzy feeling reduced but crown tingling still there. All pleasant. As per advice - just watched everything.

[Rod1]

Log Update 08/04/2013
Last night sat for 40 mins and then lying down for 40 mins. Although relatively short sit I found it easy to concentrate and move through Jhanas into 4th and watch from there. Still feeling a bit buzzy. Woke up at 2.30 and noted for about 30 mins then back to sleep. Woke up at 5.30 and watched breath till 6.20 then jhanas tip 7.30. I got to 4th jhana then focused on watching the breath and holding broad awareness in one place - this resulted in stronger concentration and went deeper in to silence and peace - like a deep dive. Watched the flashing in visual field and noticed the shapes seemed to become more solid as they formed changed and fell back to nothing. I will investigate further. Itchy points on face came but disappeared quickly. Feeling some head and neck pressure today but not significant.

Noted a little through the day. Weather sunny so rode motorbike and noted whilst riding - mostly visual . Spasmodic noting through the day

[NickP]

I see a need to know what is happening, a location, a reference point

I will answer that question with a quote from MCTB:

[C]oncentration practices and insight practices tend to have a certain inertia to them. If you have recently been trying to get into really stable samatha states, this can make it harder to see things flicker for a while. If you have recently been training hard to see things flicker, it can be hard to get into really stable samatha jhanas.

That's not to say that samatha practice don't have their merit. But while you practice them intensely, probably many of the phenomena that you'd see along the ñanas are more muffled. So, if you want to see progress, see if you can do more insight and less pure concentration practices for a week or so.


Then, to another point

Intellectually I see this, but obviously that is not enough to dissolve it, it seems that I need not to care and if I do care, then understand those reasons for caring and if possible retain only those that motivate continued effort on virtuous practices, and I guess at some point shed those as well.

I don't think you need to stop caring about this kind of things. You can care, but gently, and while seeing that you care, illuminating the intellectually curious mind with the same vipassana light that illuminates an itch.