Russell's Old Journal

[Russell]

May 15 2012, 1:12 PM EDT

I talked to Ron and he has confirmed 2nd path.

[Russell]

May 15 2012, 1:26 PM EDT

Sit's are confusing. Trying not to map things but I am certain I am accessing 5th and 6th jhana. Now working on cultivating the witness during the day. Not going well so far but this is new to me. When I get to 6th jhana I have a very distinct spot in my head that my focus goes to. Just really trying to get a feel for how to find that during the day.

[Russell]

May 16 2012, 6:18 AM EDT

Sat twice yesterday. I seem to want to focus on jhana, but it's hard when the sits are erratic. 1st sit I felt stronger A&P like sensations right away and rode up to that almost numbness state I have been describing, very pleasant. 2nd sit started smoother, easier to concentrate and I had a pretty noticable fruition while I was trying to focus on the witness in (i think) 6th jhana. Not sure if this is when the fruition happened but I had a very clear aftershock (bliss wave.)

Still trying to figure this 2nd gear thing out. I think it will take some time to shake out. If anyone has any pointers. please chime in. Thanks.

Replies:

JackWick
May 16 2012, 6:26 AM EDT

Hi Russell. Congrats on your awesome progress. I read some stuff that kenneth wrote a while back which might be of interest to you. It is about the jhanas and the witness and finding the witness in the 6th jhana. It is in the "Case Studies" section on the left, then look up monica. It's very cool. Here is a little taste...

"The "knower" from jhana 6/infinite consciousness looks to me just like the knower/witness in the "I AM" practice of advaita"

(by Kenneth in the Monica case study).

See you. Jacki.

Russell
May 16 2012, 7:03 AM EDT

Thanks Jacki. Looking over it now.

andymr
May 16 2012, 9:52 AM EDT

I've certainly got a ways to go yet with Second Gear, but here are some things that I found useful to get started:

- When I ask myself, "Who am I?" or "Where am I?", I'm not looking for a conceptual, mental, thinking answer. Instead, I feel for what happens in my mind and body as a reaction to the question. I'm focusing on the subject that's asking the question.

- I found this video useful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V_XReV_AYRA

- Check out this post by MuMuMu, "Some Fun Pointing Exercises" http://kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/t ... +Exercises (dead link)

- Also, see post #7, Ron's reply to @B.Rice - "So the practice itself..." in this thread: http://kennethfolkdharma.wetpaint.com/t ... th+Path%3F (dead link)

Let me know if any of this resonates for you.

Russell
May 16 2012, 11:10 AM EDT

This helps a bunch. Thank you. I like the pointing exercise from Mu. I have some work to do though

mumuwu
May 16 2012, 11:17 AM EDT

Congrats on path!

Russell
May 16 2012, 11:35 AM EDT

Thanks!

andymr
May 16 2012, 12:12 PM EDT

Oh, yeah. Definitely congratulations on path. Good work.

Marc_R
May 16 2012, 12:43 PM EDT

Congratulations on getting 2nd path, Russell!

Russell
May 16 2012, 2:20 PM EDT

Thank you Marc and Andy. Still feel like I don't know what I am doing, but isn't that part of the ride. Hah!

Rob_Mt
May 16 2012, 8:46 PM EDT

I haven't checked in for a while- nice to see that your steady work is still paying off- congratulations!

Russell
May 16 2012, 10:08 PM EDT

Thanks Rob, your helpful posts early in my journey really, really helped me through some of the rough stuff. Good see you around.

[Russell]

May 17 2012, 12:15 PM EDT

Couple of shorter than usual sits yesterday and one try at going through Kenneths jhanic arc videos.

Tried 2 different ways. 1st sit just noting. Seems like concentration is really strong right now and noting is easy, hard to pinpoint mapping stuff though. Sits are very pleasant though with lots of vibrations. 2nd sit I tried to sit with the witness (even though I am not sure I know what I am doing) I feel like it may be pushing me along the arc though. I am still confused as to what the witness is per say. A perspective? A spot where I think perception of is happening?

I see where this spot in the head is and while concentrating on it I got a sense that if I can even watch what i perceive is the "I" that is witnessing, then it does exist either. It's just another phenomenon like anything else. Like this is supposed to really debunk the whole idea of a self.

Does that even make sense?

Off-cushion my wife thinks I am very 'Dude-ish' (pardon my Lebowski reference). This is a good thing. I know it may not stick but I need to enjoy the calmer version of myself right now.

[Russell]

May 18 2012, 9:08 AM EDT

Very sleepy sit last night. Was up for 20 hours straight the day before dealing with IT issues, so I think the tiredness finally hit me. Nodding off a bit, sluggish noting. However, still pleasant.

[Russell]

May 19 2012, 1:10 PM EDT

Honeymoon fading a bit. Some physical symptoms of anxiety, but it is hard to try to connect them to what thoughts are making them occur. However, I feel like some automatic noting is happening off the cushion, seemingly without my interference. Especially when it comes to thoughts. Noticing judging thoughts. Still lots of frustrations with other people's 'stuff.' Trying to bite my tongue as much as possible.

Cushion time is still confusing. Feel likes like if I try to sit and dwell as the witness it is a waste of time because I am not sure what I am doing yet so I keep falling back to 1st gear.

[Russell]

May 21 2012, 4:37 PM EDT

More weirdness off-cushion. Had a great weekend, but I had a hard time a couple times where I almost had full on sensory overload. What I mean is: Radio was on in the car, wife talking to me, kids screaming in the back seat. It was way too much! Like I could pick out every single sensation that was coming in, kind of like an off-cushion A&P fast vibration thing. Could pick out every instrument on the radio, the sound of the A/C, the shrieking of the kids etc...

Also, been getting very jumpy when a loud noise unexpectedly happens - like frighfully jumpy.

On-cushion: still very confused, just nice vibratory sits sometimes with thought interferance.

[Russell]

May 22 2012, 9:51 AM EDT

I have to say for the first time in this journey, I feel like I am just sitting most of the time. Noting seems distracting, sitting and observing seems what my mind wants to do. However, being the goal-oriented, do-something person that I am, I am finding it hard to feel like I am getting anywhere. It's very odd, because the ride to 2nd path was a bit confusing, but in retrospect, still a very linear progress of insight. Now things are up in la-la land and I have no idea where I am. Thinking of just doing concentration practice for a while. I have been doing so much vipassana, it's almost like I can't not do plain shamatha, even when just trying to focus on my breath, my mind turns into observation mode and it starts to pick apart sensations.

Replies:

nadavspi
May 22 2012, 11:07 AM EDT

You just got a path a few weeks ago... take some time to relax into your new baseline and enjoy review.

Russell
May 22 2012, 2:24 PM EDT

Thanks, I needed that. I always have that, ok mark the checkbox, then move on type mentality. I really should just chill

[Russell]

May 23 2012, 9:33 AM EDT

Tried to just sit last night first focusing on breath for about 5 minutes, became very calm and relaxed. Then I just shifted my attention to the witness 'spot' behind my eyes where I feel like 6th jhana focus is, and I got immediately into 1st jhana. Was hard to keep focus there, felt like I started moving up the arc on it's own but was difficult to remain on that spot.

[Russell]

May 24 2012, 9:52 PM EDT

I can't complain, sits are very pleasant, but I have a hard time seeing if i am cycling through anything other than a nice baseline equanimity. Nothing wrong with that obviously, but my mind is getting bored and I feel like it's time to move on from this. Still trying out the witness practice and not effecting with t too much. One again, very pleasant, but unsure I am "making progress."