Eelco's practice

[catsquotl]

Yuck, Seems that after writing that I am able to sit and walk more and more consistently for 30 minutes each has gotten the better of me.
Yesterday evening and just now all I see I a chaoticaly thinking mind. During sits I find that I am only able to notice maybe 6 or 7 full in and outbreaths. The rest is thoughts.

Now if it was just thoughts maybe that would be ok. You know seeing worksituations and letting them pass, but somehow as of yesterday my judging mind and my doubting mind seem to feel the urge to pass along there comment. So both yesterday and this morning I found myself opening my eyes at the 24 minute mark. Didn't even bother to start walking after that.

Anyway I did have an insightfull moment during my sit. something about a point where I could reexamin a particular past event, buit in writing this just minutes after my lastest meditation fiaco.. I can't even seem to be able to remember that..

Wow do i sound like someone whining about his practise don't I..

With Love
Eelco

[catsquotl]

This mornings practise was the near opposite of yesterdays.
Last night I didn't sit. And waking up at 5 this morning I didn't feel particlarly inclined to Go and meditate as well so I procrastinated a bit. Looked at some forums, Watched some explanation graphs vimeo video by Daniel Ingram. Took a seccond coffee and looked again at the DhO forum. There i saw this really lame but oh so funny video of a gay trying to explain and show kinhin and failing funny at the end which cheered my mood right up so started to sit.

I don't think i am able to write all the subtelties i experienced in my sit and walk this morning, but will try to highlight some of them.

During sittin I noticed a rithmic contracting and expanding of the space within. Does that make sense? At times where thoughts were more predominant The space was contracting some whilst when they slowed down the feeling of spaciousness began to grow in all directions. This contracting and expanding was noticable a few times..

Another thing that i noticed was how the way I noted or not noted or how hard i noted(as in how loud inside my head) I noted had an effect on this spaciousness aswell.

Then I notices how thinking, bodily sensations and noting seemed to be 3 parts of my experience Then I saw how some energy rose from my belly towards my right shoulder on the front and noticed it as a mood change. WHich to me is valueabla because I am usualy unaware of the mood I am in. (Guess I am the delusional type).

I also noticed how thoughts like how long have aI sat allready gave rise to the intention to stand up, look at the clock or move.. Which I didn't and then faded away again.

During my walk I noticed a feeling of clarity which lasted during the whole 30 minutes, whareas before I had periods of misty-ish sights. dullness of mind and such.
Biggest insight here was when I thought about how I inquered at Dhammacara vipassana centre yesterday for a retreat I'd like to do starting febuaru 17th how a surge of happy and expectational feeling swooshed through me. AT that time i just noticed how such a swoosch of expectant energy had within it the feeling of disappointment within it.

If I had to lable it I would say I was sniffing into mind and body territory with one whif of cause and effect.
All in all I feel pretty good about this mornings meditation.

With Love
Eelco

[Antero]

Nice insights Eelco! Indeed, you are seeing the cause and effect in action, good work.

[catsquotl]

Thank you Antero,

Last nights meditation was good.I can't recall any special insight, but was able to just sit and walk for 30 minutes eachs.
This mornings..
After reading a post by Lee G herehttp://www.dharmaoverground.org/web/guest/discussion/-/message_boards/message/122865#_19_message_122865
I started my sit with fast noting. At some mpoint I noticed again like yesterday that there seem to be 3 distinct aspects to my conscioussness at the moment. My bodily conscioussness, the part that is noting the experience and a part that seems to be a mental faculty, but which I cannot seem to describe. Its the part that thinks, but also observes and notices, but different than the part I am noting with.. Does that make sense? Anyway at some point i was able to see the expanding and contracting of the whole of conscioussness again like yesterday.

The faster pace of noting was fun to do and i could get a more frame like feel of moment to moment awareness. What was most obvious now is that I was able to note or lable more sensations as before. where i would try to keep my attention on the sensation I noted. say Rising or inbreath during the inbreath part of breathing where I would either note it once quicly for the duration of that inbreath or spread it our. RRRRiiiiiiiiiissssssiiiiiiinnnnggggg for the whole inbreath. not I could. do rising rising rising pressure rising rising over the course of a breath.
SOmetimes though it did feel a bit forced so I played a bit with different noting speeds.

The same happened in walking where the most predomenant insight was that the moment the heel is lifted is really just a split seccond. before thet it is still touching the ground and after it is up. A fact that I didn't notice before because I was attentive to the noting of the sensation of lifting the heel. which makes it far more complex and fills the mind for a longer period than the bare sensation of the heel coming off the ground.

With Love
Eelco

[catsquotl]

Funny how mediation times seem to go all over the place.
Last nights was old fashioned "not there" wandering and walking through haze and trouble seeing territory.

This morning slightly more awake. Managed to go through the motions and be consciouss of those. No special insights or anything just being. sitting, thinking, walking, noting.

Just now did a short extra sit. (20 mins) where I started with Ajahn Tongs method of noting.
Which is rising, falling, sitting, touching.
The touching part is alternating a small spot on your hips (between buttock and back muscle) t least thats where I tried to touch anyway..

I think I like that method. for now It seems that somehow your consciousness is "trained" to stay..(on the breath in and out) then expand (sitting. which felt very spacious) and then contract touching a small coin sized spot.

With Love
Eelco

[catsquotl]

Last night sat for 40 minutes. Just being aware of the breath. not much noting.
This morning same thing for 20 minutes. Due to the wheter my cats were inside and they cuddled up to me mauwing after 20 minutes which snapped me out of my meditation.

The just sitting felt really peacefull though and has me wondering. Can I switch vipassana and samatha meditation around? Will that get me some practice in both meditation methods? or will it cause me to loose momentum in one or the other..

with love
Eelco

[catsquotl]

My meditations, like life seem to go all over the place.
The last 2 days I have been trying to just sit for 40 minutes and stay mindfull of the breath. Part because someone suggested meditation without personal instruction could prove "dangerous" Part because I am unsure of my goal in meditation and part because I wasnt to learn to be able to sit for an hour. I guess that is my short term goal.

A longer term goal would be stream entry, I am just not sure yet how to get there.. About 10 years ago I made a formal resolution that I would not abandon my family in search for spiritual truth. In part because up until I got married 15 years ago I was all over the place in mind, body and what not. After my first 2 daughters were born I got into some spiritual mind wanderings and practises again. From that I noticed an increase in my wish to get away from it all. Before my mariage that is usualy what I did as I felt i needed to move on.

In finding the hardcore dharma teachings I find myself thinking about prolonged retreats. Sitting, walking and noting all day. At the same time I see me being the provider of a slightly bigger than avarage family and a father. Any which way I want things to be. I feel I need to honour my commitments..(which I enjoy doing very much btw)

So wondering about the paths to take, the meditations to follow and such I for now am sitting. As I noticed before just setting my timer for 40 minutes seems to conjure up a load of resistance near the end. And still I find myself cutting my meditations short. So for today I set my timer to ring at 20 then 10 then 5, 5, and another 5 minutes.
made it with relative ease.. I'll slowly be extending the periods between rings until i'm able to just keep sitting come what may for an hour..

As for noting? What are your thoughts. Is vipassana noting twice a day with an occasional 10 to 15 day retreat enough to make stream entry or more in a busy lifetime? Or would that just not cut it.
Are there arahants that made it whilst having worldly obligations and a lack of resources to travel across the globe to see and experience the being near enlightened ones?

It's not that I am afraid of a dark night. the stages of that as described in Daniel's book MCTB seem not that different from stages in my life I dabbled with numerous times allready. So that's something i think I can deal with under the circumstances...

WIth Love
Eelco

[MuMuWu]

Hi Eelco,

If you like I could give you some instruction over skype or something like that. No cost - or I can write back and forth with you here. I would like to specifically talk about doing the noting technique and how to apply it properly and see if we can't get you moving along the progress of insight.

Regarding the question of whether you need to go on retreats, that's a big no from me. I never did and I managed to do quite well despite all the other normal life things I had going on. This is really doable and not as hard as you'd think.

I'll message you my skype account.

TTYL!

All the best!

[Antero]

As for noting? What are your thoughts. Is vipassana noting twice a day with an occasional 10 to 15 day retreat enough to make stream entry or more in a busy lifetime? Or would that just not cut it.
Are there arahants that made it whilst having worldly obligations and a lack of resources to travel across the globe to see and experience the being near enlightened ones?
Eelco

It is doable with obligations, work and the family. The key is to make your every day a retreat. Some kind of practice is possible every single moment during the day, it is only a question of adjusting your practice to the situation at hand.

[catsquotl]

Thanks for your reply's. Its good to hear its doable...

MuMuWu thank you for your offer.
I'll see if I can get the hang of skype and look you up.

WIth Love
Eelco