Opera's prelude

[Opera]

Good to see you are getting results from your practice and that thinking is becoming more objective.

Thank you: your pointer was one of the causes of the "Mind&Body" sit (just watched a video about the stages...)

I have had experiences of serious anxiety while meditating with somewhat similar symptoms, but not to the level you are describing.

ok.

[Opera]

Friday, October 4th: 30mn
The plan was to concentrate on the breath, in order to avoid the painful experience I reported from rising again. Concentration was poor, I don't remember precisely the first half of the sit, other that I noted what came up, it did not feel great nor rewarding, but the sceanrio I was watching out for did not reappear. In the second half of the sit, progressively, the upper half of the body was felt as its enveloppe (belly, torso (front and to a lesser degree back), arms and head. It was pretty agreeable. Satisfaction. It did not extend to the full body.
It reminded me of the forerunners symptoms of a probable A&P event I had two years ago.

Saturday, 5th: no sitting.

Sunday, 6th: 30mn
Not very pleasant, from my memories. Usual body symptoms. Desire (to see thoughts properly again or to reach yesterday's state again). Had a much lighter version of yesterday's state at the end.

Mondday, 7th, 10mn (sat on a bench after lunch)

Mondday, 7th, 30mn
It was not so easy to count up to 100 without interruptions; in the beginning I noted sensations in-between breaths without problem, but soon the concentration went down. Nostalgia for the sit where I could observe the thoughts 'objectively'. The usual belly and heart discomfort rose steadily. Then, superficial tensions: facial muscles, muscles from the upper arms, and especially in the neck area. Tingling. The upper half of the body heated (I'm not sure about the chronology). Got impatient. So on.

Tuesday, 8th, 10mn (sat on a bench after lunch)
First 5mn: reasonnable stability in following the breath. Then noted sights, coolness, wind, and some internal heat, interpersed with concentration-breaking thoughts. Impatience. overall, a lot more external stimuli that monday's sit


* Generally, I sit in the evening, while I'm still digesting the dinner. It might explain some of the heat and some of the belly stuff.
* To report more useful descriptions, I should post not too long after the sit. More than 48h delay is too long for these kinds of sits.
* Every time I sit with some regularity, there are times during the day when I'm drawn to note (even with no intention to note in daily life). Probably the manic side of trying to establish a pratice. Fine with me.

[Opera]

Tuesday, October 8th: 30mn
I don't remember much.

Wednesday: 20-25 mn
I remember that every 5mn or so I entered a new phase (sits like this are harder to report on, and they are more and more like this). After counting without much stability, I had a more open noting, visuals, tingles in hte neck; then (or before...) watched the breath from closer than usual, the pauses between out- and in-reaths seemed much longer; interaction of noting with breathing; loud heart rythm and other body rythm; all the while thoughts were not clear and not disembedded at all, even when noted; a more peaceful phase. Probably another one with torpor. Stopped early partly because of tiredness.

Thursday: no sitting.

Friday: 20mn
I never settled the thoughts and had a negative judgment towards them (and noting it did not change anything, I did not manage to "relax" till late in that short sit). Switched technique every few minute. Again, little continuity. At the end of the sit, though, the body felt very heavy and contacts were proeminent. (I did not stop early, I had set the timer to 20mn because of a lack of sleep).